Month: May 2012

Four things you can’t recover:

The Stone after the throw
The Word after it’s said
The Occasion after it’s missed, and
The Time after it’s gone.

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Wedding Pictures Galore

When I planned my wedding last fall (sans husband, who – naturally – was deployed), I did all I could to cut corners when it came to our budget. We paid for most of the wedding and honeymoon ourselves, so I was always looking for a good deal. On most things, I’m proud to say that I found those bargains – to include my photographer, who was an old acquaintance of mine from my Bad Kitty days.

Sadly, he was the only cut-corner that didn’t quite live up to expectations, but between his photos, and those of friends and family with some kick-ass cameras, I have salvaged the situation and gotten some decent gems.

Of course, this meant going through AND editing hundreds of them myself (which is probably why I’ve had a headache all week) but I’m kind of proud of the way they turned out, considering the way they were. It was fun! I’ve always loved playing with pictures, and taking them too. Makes me think I shoud get into wedding/couple photography on my own. Hmm. 🙂

Anyway, despite being sick of looking at them at this point (ha), I’m including a handful of favorites that I compressed and put into collage form to save space (so they may be a bit distorted/blurry.) It really was such a beautiful day, with the most amazing people, if I do say so myself!

                       ~ October 8, 2011 – Arlington & Fairfax, Virginia ~

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On Mother’s Day…

Happy Mother’s Day to all the mothers out there – I am lucky to know so many great ones! I don’t like to get too depressing or emo on here, but of course I’ve been thinking about my own mother, and missing her…because overall, it feels like I don’t have one.

My mother is alive, but not well – and not in the traditional sense. In many ways it would be much simpler if she was dying of some physical ailment, but instead, she’s suffering from debilitating mental illness, which is equally as real and even more horrifying in its manifestation – not to mention far more damaging to our relationships, self-esteem, and family as a whole…

It’s a long, confusing story that basically comes down to paranoid delusional and psychotic disorders, suicide attempts, depression, and anxiety. The worst part of it is that she doesn’t think she’s sick, refuses treatment, and has shut my dad, sister, and I out because she thinks we have contributed to or downright caused her delusional state of misery, fear, and loneliness. Worse yet – I can barely remember a time when she was happy, and what made her great as a mom (because once upon a time, she was…)

Anyway, I don’t want to dwell much on the matter, and I don’t want to pity myself. It’s truly her that suffers most. I just wanted say how much I miss her, and struggle to remember better times while also trying to move on and accept that she will never get better, but most likely worse… continuing to cope with the fact that she blames me for her situation, and however much I know intellectually that it’s not real, it is very real to her… and that’s all that really matters. Unfortunately, her reality drives this, not ours. In her mind, I have hurt her, and we both have to live with that.

Mom, you are far from us physically, mentally, and emotionally, but even though I try to forget you and all that has happened, I will always love you. Happy Mother’s Day ❤

I love it when my old and new worlds collide!! This past weekend, my good friend Laura came to visit from DC. We had so much fun enjoying the beach, downtown Wilmington, and a rousing Cinco de Mayo party in the midst of a southern thunderstorm. Ole!

You know that place between sleep and awake – that place where you can still remember dreaming? That’s where I will always love you. That’s where I will be waiting.

– Tinkerbell 

Sweet dreams ya’ll!! 🙂