personal

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Late July

When I was pregnant last fall, my due date was Late July. Chuck and I joked about announcing the pregnancy with a bag of Late July chips, a vegan, Dorito-like derivative packaged in bright lime green, and a favorite snack in this household.

The subconscious – and now conscious – realization that if I hadn’t miscarried that Christmas Eve, I’d be a mom of two boys right now is surely one source of my nebulous mental state this week, as I toss out yet another negative pregnancy test.

And it’s not just that. We are officially less one year from leaving Missouri, but we don’t know where to next. The dance fitness studio that had brought me movement, joy, and community just closed down for good, mere months after I found it. I have no real plans coming up – no trips, get-togethers, or visitors.

I finished the book I was reading. Finished the show I was watching.

Work may not be all that engaging but it’s fine and I’m grateful, but also… meh.

I’m left with a restless feeling of “what’s next?” that weighs nearly as heavily as this intense summer heat.

I’ve taken care of the easy ones first. After much indecision, I settled on my next book. Found my next show. I’m back to my daily walks, even if it’s soupy outside.

I’m pondering whether it’s worthwhile to squeeze in a summer trip to the Lake, but can’t seem to garner the focus to make decisions and book it.

I’m working on getting my anxiety under control. It’s not crippling, but it’s distracting and definitely not conducive to a healthy reproductive life.

Truly though, I worry that I’m so caught up in my uncertainties and busy fretting about what’s next that I’ll lose my ability to be present in what I have. I have a lot of wonderful blessings and a beautiful life. Why am I feeling so unsettled? Perimenopause?

Seriously though.

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You don’t need certainty yet…

… just curiosity and willingness to follow what feels alive.

So says my Spring Equinox tarot card reading – especially my jumper card, the Page of Wands.

My Equinox oracle card – the reversed Possum and the Peony, representing bashfulness – tells me that, while I’ve recently been shaken (perhaps by turmoil or a disorienting change), I am now ready to stand on my own two feet. My period of retreat and solitude, though healthful for a time, should probably wrap up while I work to ensure that my anxiety doesn’t control me.

Anyway. Hi. I’m back!

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Food for Thought

I have some thoughts to process here in my little corner about how people say vegans push their views down other peoples throats, or that we should “live and let live” …

The way I see it: the things I share to advocate for a plant-based diet aren’t belief systems or opinions. They aren’t gods I’m trying to say are real or theories I’m trying to prove. They are a set of facts that, unfortunately, are difficult to accept because they require so much personal change and accountability. I know this because it took many years to accept it all myself, and I disliked the cognitive dissonance that vegans brought about in me. So, I get it.

That all said, it ended up being highly effective…

  • It is a fact that animal agriculture contributes vastly to greenhouse gas emissions, deforestation, water pollution, oceanic dead zones, and the decline of biodiversity.
  • It is a fact that it increases our risk of antibiotic resistance and zoonotic, pandemic disease.
  • It is a fact that the majority of crops grown worldwide are used to feed livestock rather than humans, and that our animal product-heavy diets are major contributors to some of our most significant killers (heart disease, diabetes, and some cancers.)
  • And, it is a fact that millions of animals suffer and die DAILY – in the US alone – for their decaying carcasses to end up on our plates.

The only opinions here are whether you think these things are good and justified, or if they are bad and should be addressed… If we should perpetuate the status quo, or if we should do whatever we can (within our means) to reduce, mitigate, or stop these realities.

These are problems we can actually do something about, beyond hashtags and financial donations.

Still, I struggle with the knowledge that I’m probably disliked for my advocacy. And I’m not sure what to do about it.

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New Loves

I posted this image mostly because I love squirrels.

This is a rather new found love. Although I’ve always been an animal lover overall, squirrels didn’t necessarily make the cut at the top five — or even top ten — of animals with which I thought I would form a special bond. This is due in part to the fact that the last few places I lived, squirrels weren’t a part of the surrounding fauna. Here in the big city, they’re basically the entirety of local wildlife, and I can’t tell you how much joy they’ve brought me in this depressing year.

I also posted this image because the text is true. In fact, it’s underselling the extent to which I have blessings to count. This year has been hard for all of us, but my blessings are large and abundant. Not even remotely small.

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Morning Lark

I recently learned a rather poetic way of describing morning people vs. night people – are you an owl, or are you a lark?

While I’m not quite a night owl these days, I always wished I was a morning lark. I do enjoy mornings – once I’m already up. I struggle to get myself out of bed, and for no good reason. I get plenty of sleep, have very little to burden me in terms of responsibilities (i.e., no kids or dogs), and overall I am a healthy person. But when that alarm goes off, I just want to snooze some more. Five more minutes please!

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The Whimsy of Things

Hey y’all. It’s been a minute. No, it’s been a YEAR. Except, wait. It’s only been just-over-half-a-year. Feels like decades, you know what I’m saying? But now I’m just being dramatic.

I don’t need to re-cap the debacle that has been 2020, but I do want to pop in to say that it’s time for a personal re-brand. If you’ve followed me a while, you know I went from Pink Piglette, to Bad Kitty, to Keep Calm & Have a Cupcake, to the Gypsy Kitty Diaries. Each rendition of me was right for the time and place in which I found myself. But this year, given my ongoing and imperfect attempts at self-improvement, I’ve decided to move on from Gyspy Kitty and tell my story through a new lens (or filter, if we truly want to keep this 2020.)

So, real talk.

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The Winds of Change

img_5654Holy mackerel, how time flies. Happy New Year to all! Lots has happened since I last wrote (as always.) The biggest piece of news it that Chuck and I are leaving California this summer. While I knew that was a possibility, especially given his pending promotion, I still found it difficult to digest that we would cut our SoCal tour short by a full year. Although I’ve struggled to find myself professionally in the way that I’d hoped, I seriously love everything about my life here. My house, my yard, my friends. My grocery store, my vet, my hair salon, my favorite restaurant and favorite bar. Even on the job front, I had learned and networked enough to shake up my approach and find success a different way.

But there’s not much you can do to tame the Marine Corps’s inevitable winds of change. So, we are off to Virginia in June, and I am finding reasons to get excited.

But for now, I want to embrace what little time I have left in my rose-gold, California Girl life.   Here are some of the highlights since I last updated in… wait for it… SEPTEMBER 2018! Continue reading →

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Endless Summer

Although this summer has been far too hot for my Coastal California girl sensibilities (you try 90 degrees with no AC!), I am still not quite ready for it to end. I’ve had a great time exploring the area, connecting with friends old and new, and – as always – enjoying the scenery from my own backyard. Two recent highlights were my visit to a Temecula winery and my very first music festival!

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The Small Things

I have written about my zen California life before, and expressed my appreciation for the little things in life, too. As I learn to take more in stride and put less pressure on myself, I’m seizing every moment to appreciate the small joys all around me… and I simply wanted to revisit that for a moment 🙂

Take, for starters, my glorious Pink House, and sunny California afternoons and sunsets. I’ll admit that it’s been a little too hot lately to spend much time in my shade-less back yard, but the temps are just starting to cool enough in the late afternoon to allow for a glass (or three) of crisp rosé, accompanied by fresh peaches and vegan cheese on my Brooklyn slate cheese board.

 

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