Rants

Cakes have gotten a bad rap. People equate virtue with turning down dessert. There is always one person at the table who holds up her hand when I serve the cake. No, really, I couldn’t she says, and then gives her flat stomach a conspiratorial little pat. Everyone who is pressing a fork into that first tender layer looks at the person who declined the plate, and they all think, That person is better than I am. That person has discipline. But that isn’t a person with discipline; that is a person who has completely lost touch with joy. A slice of cake never made anybody fat. You don’t eat the whole cake. You don’t eat a cake every day of your life. You take the cake when it is offered because the cake is delicious. You have a slice of cake and what it reminds you of is someplace that’s safe, uncomplicated, without stress. A cake is a party, a birthday, a wedding. A cake is what’s served on the happiest days of your life. This is a story of how my life was saved by cake, so, of course, if sides are to be taken, I will always take the side of cake.

– Jeanne Ray

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“Over-Educated and Struggling”

More experienced (older) workers are taking the jobs traditionally held by graduates, yet we are overqualified (and thus underpaid) for everything else. All the while we are saddled with increasing debt/expenses, and shrinking opportunities…

I am in a unique situation of course, but this article is crazy depressing and makes me wonder more than ever what route I should take (especially in terms of going back to school.)

Sorry for the downer, but it is an interesting article and covers a multitude of angles 🙂

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What Bugs Me About Christians

I was born and raised a (relatively) fundamentalist Christian – from the Earth was created in 7 days and anyone who thinks otherwise can’t possibly believe in God, to homosexuality is an abomination against God, to Hell is a real place and most of the people in this world are probably going to end up there.

I’m still a fundamentalist Christian, but only when it comes down to what Christianity actually means: what would Jesus do? If it’s not in the 10 Commandments, or if the words aren’t in red print (Jesus’s actual words), I take the dogma of the Bible with a small grain of salt, acknowledging that it is very much a cultural document subject to the changes and fluctuations of history, science, socio-economy, and lingual interpretation. I also know that it was assembled and distributed by men (NOT God), with deliberate omissions and heavy editing. It has great things to say – it also leaves plenty of room for questions.

I don’t pretend to know the answers to the issues I listed above, or judge anyone for their varying perspectives (maybe homosexuality is the crown jewel of sin, and maybe the earth was created in seven 24-hour days – who really knows these things), but I also think it’s decidedly un-Christian to make a huge fuss about these details, alienating those lives we should be trying to touch.

At the same time, I appreciate that religious leaders take a moral stand for what they believe in, regardless of its popularity at the time, and I uphold the right to express that belief without fear. That is everyone’s right and even their responsibility, as a human and leader, to have a moral compass and be allowed to talk about it.

What really IRKS me, however, are the issues that Christians today have decided to make front and center in the national debate. Re: the Chick-fil-A debacle. I’ve never understood why homosexuality – which gets no reference in the 10 Commandments or in Jesus’s red print – has become such a hot button issue for us.

There are a small handful of verses in the Bible that actually address it (even fewer that address it directly), and they’re usually veiled within a story’s context, listed in a chapter that even the most conservative Christians acknowledge is no longer relevant, or buried among a variety of other abominations that get minimal mention in today’s socio-political arena.

For example, fornication: I’m wondering how many of the people who waited in line at Chick-fil-A this past Wednesday protesting gay rights waited til marriage to experience their first sexual encounter. Or how many failed to gossip about their neighbor, their boss, or their crazy great-aunt. I’ll admit I want something I don’t have almost every day (who doesn’t?) Gluttony is an issue in America overall, and most of us get drunk fairly regularly too. Of course, no one ever really focuses on these parts of the same Bible verse, because – well – at least we’re not gay!

I’ve had a few thoughts about the Chick-fil-A incident in particular, but I’ve been too afraid to share on Facebook or in conversation (because everyone’s so harsh.) No one really reads my Tumblr though – and if they do, they either don’t know me at all, or know me well enough to venture into my forum of honest expression without being threatened by it. I think many people can’t handle a Bad Kitty that isn’t fluffy 🙂

Anyway:

1) First, I wondered why Chick-fil-A’s stance has taken so many off guard. The CEO is a conservative Christian man (with many great qualities, I’m sure), who closes for business on Sundays (an actual Commandment that most Christians don’t even follow anymore.) Opposing gay marriage? Um…duh! This surprises you?

2) I know the issue is more complex than this, but I really don’t see how one chicken sandwich guru’s personal opinion is such a huge deal, worthy of all this outrage. I support equal rights for gays, but I also believe in free speech, and his stance is technically no different than even President Obama’s (and many presidents before him), up until recently when he came out in support of gay marriage.

3) I’m annoyed that liberals have allowed this to get so much attention. Now everyone knows this guy’s name, he has become a sensation (a hero to some, a villain to others,) and he has unintentionally encouraged more hateful behavior thanks to all this fuss. More polarization in this country is just what we need right now – geez.

4) What has truly saddened me is the response, from both sides. The liberal side for slamming/bullying this man for expressing his not uncommon beliefs (when asked!), and the conservative side for giving Chick-fil-A the best business in its existence by lining up and allowing horrific hatred and vitriol to occur in the name of Christianity (seriously, read the link – soo much misguided, misdirected, and overall uncalled for hate! And Chick-fil-A employees say both sides are guilty of it.)

This is what intolerance leads to for everyone – hate, hate, and more hate. Everyone should have let well enough alone – which is why I’ve been trying to make light of it. If everyone had kept their cool and just continued to watch the Olympics, this story would have faded out of everyone’s mind and we could move beyond making people feel guilty for eating or not eating a chicken sandwich.

A gay man quoted in a CNN article I read said it best: “Both sides just quite honestly need to grow up and stop acting like 2-year-olds just because somebody said something they didn’t like.”

That’s what I think, too. We are making progress on this issue overall! Like racism and sexism before it, belief systems never truly die, but this is why we have separation of church and state – Constitutional rights WILL prevail, and personal belief systems can be protected right along with them.

We need to quit letting everything get to us in our hypersensitive culture, and Christians need to get back to the basics, because let’s face it – none of us are getting the details right.

So – love our neighbors, love our enemies. Those are Jesus’s basic lessons for us. Focus on being a good person and living life for Jesus (or whoever/whatever you choose with your own free will.) Acknowledge that we don’t KNOW everything, and that’s okay. Don’t take the persecution laying down of course, but quietly, peacefully, lovingly fight it.

We are each taking a gamble on our own destiny based on a million different factors. I’ve personally chosen to achieve eternal life through Christ. Regardless of what he’ll say to homosexuals on Judgement Day, I 100% know the people lining up at Chick-fil-A spewing hatred and judgement won’t get it any easier. In fact, I’m 99.9% sure they will get it worse!

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Living Life to the Fullest

Even though I am 5 years out of college by now (eek), this is very well put and I can totally relate – especially to the part about not truly having everything figured out, and not knowing what’s ahead. Her untimely death is tragic, but a perfect reminder and reinforcement to all she shares in this piece. Just live – success, failure, happiness, sadness, and all that “imperfection” that’s in between.

thehappyprojectblog:

Marina Keegan sadly died in a car accident not long after graduating from Yale. One of the last things she wrote about was the importance of living life to the fullest.

We don’t have a word for the opposite of loneliness, but if we did, I could say that’s what I want in life. What I’m grateful and thankful to have found at Yale, and what I’m scared of losing when we wake up tomorrow and leave this place.

It’s not quite love and it’s not quite community; it’s just this feeling that there are people, an abundance of people, who are in this together. Who are on your team. When the check is paid and you stay at the table. When it’s four a.m. and no one goes to bed. That night with the guitar. That night we can’t remember. That time we did, we went, we saw, we laughed, we felt. The hats.

Yale is full of tiny circles we pull around ourselves. A cappella groups, sports teams, houses, societies, clubs. These tiny groups that make us feel loved and safe and part of something even on our loneliest nights when we stumble home to our computers — partner-less, tired, awake. We won’t have those next year. We won’t live on the same block as all our friends. We won’t have a bunch of group-texts.

This scares me. More than finding the right job or city or spouse – I’m scared of losing this web we’re in. This elusive, indefinable, opposite of loneliness. This feeling I feel right now.

But let us get one thing straight: the best years of our lives are not behind us. They’re part of us and they are set for repetition as we grow up and move to New York and away from New York and wish we did or didn’t live in New York. I plan on having parties when I’m 30. I plan on having fun when I’m old. Any notion of THE BEST years comes from clichéd “should haves…” “if I’d…” “wish I’d…”

Of course, there are things we wished we did: our readings, that boy across the hall. We’re our own hardest critics and it’s easy to let ourselves down. Sleeping too late. Procrastinating. Cutting corners. More than once I’ve looked back on my High School self and thought: how did I do that? How did I work so hard? Our private insecurities follow us and will always follow us.

But the thing is, we’re all like that. Nobody wakes up when they want to. Nobody did all of their reading (except maybe the crazy people who win the prizes…) We have these impossibly high standards and we’ll probably never live up to our perfect fantasies of our future selves. But I feel like that’s okay.

We’re so young. We’re so young. We’re twenty-two years old. We have so much time. There’s this sentiment I sometimes sense, creeping in our collective conscious as we lay alone after a party, or pack up our books when we give in and go out – that it is somehow too late. That others are somehow ahead. More accomplished, more specialized. More on the path to somehow saving the world, somehow creating or inventing or improving. That it’s too late now to BEGIN a beginning and we must settle for continuance, for commencement.

When we came to Yale, there was this sense of possibility. This immense and indefinable potential energy – and it’s easy to feel like that’s slipped away. We never had to choose and suddenly we’ve had to. Some of us have focused ourselves. Some of us know exactly what we want and are on the path to get it; already going to med school, working at the perfect NGO, doing research. To you I say both congratulations and you suck.

For most of us, however, we’re somewhat lost in this sea of liberal arts. Not quite sure what road we’re on and whether we should have taken it. If only I had majored in biology…if only I’d gotten involved in journalism as a freshman…if only I’d thought to apply for this or for that…

What we have to remember is that we can still do anything. We can change our minds. We can start over. Get a post-bac or try writing for the first time. The notion that it’s too late to do anything is comical. It’s hilarious. We’re graduating college. We’re so young. We can’t, we MUST not lose this sense of possibility because in the end, it’s all we have.

In the heart of a winter Friday night my freshman year, I was dazed and confused when I got a call from my friends to meet them at EST EST EST. Dazedly and confusedly, I began trudging to SSS, probably the point on campus farthest away. Remarkably, it wasn’t until I arrived at the door that I questioned how and why exactly my friends were partying in Yale’s administrative building. Of course, they weren’t. But it was cold and my ID somehow worked so I went inside SSS to pull out my phone. It was quiet, the old wood creaking and the snow barely visible outside the stained glass. And I sat down. And I looked up. At this giant room I was in. At this place where thousands of people had sat before me. And alone, at night, in the middle of a New Haven storm, I felt so remarkably, unbelievably safe.

We don’t have a word for the opposite of loneliness, but if we did, I’d say that’s how I feel at Yale. How I feel right now. Here. With all of you. In love, impressed, humbled, scared. And we don’t have to lose that.

We’re in this together, 2012. Let’s make something happen to this world.

These kinds of memes annoy me so much! While I’m vehemently opposed to extreme dieting and all the “thinspo” crap that I see out there, I am naturally built more like the women in the top row, and have never felt fully comfortable with myself either. I’m coming into my own these days, but attitudes like this don’t help.

Beauty comes in many forms, and all are acceptable so long as your lifestyle choices are healthy. Our culture needs to stop being so critical of the female form(s) overall…and ladies, it starts with each of us (many of the harshest comments come from girls.)

And, I think it’s funny that so many people hold Marilyn Monroe as an example of true, “natural” beauty. She actually had plenty of work done to transform her from her Norma Jean days to the sexpot we know and love today… to include some plastic surgery. And if she was around in the age of tabloids, I’m sure some idiot would be blasting her cellulite. Just sayin’.

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Seven reasons you should reach out to every person…

slowdowncafe reblogged socalfeminist:

Seven reasons you should reach out to every person ever.

1.)  We’re all alone well, kind of.  This sounds grim, but it’s not! There is a freedom in realizing and embracing the fact that at the end of the day you’re sitting in your own skin with your own thoughts and realities.  One of the most beautiful parts of being alive and continually pushed into the world is knowing that every single person on the planet also goes to bed in their own skin, with their own thoughts and realities.  Learning and exploring new people offers you the opportunity to change some wobbly realities you’ve created and equally allows you to challenge someone else’s.

2.)  Everyone wants to be loved. I believe this from the very bottom of my heart.  Some people spend whole lifetimes trying to deny themselves the magic and wonder of being loved.  The world is weird, man.  People are becoming increasingly disconnected from other people and I can only conclude that this is because of an underlying fear of really sharing ones self with another soul.  Its scary, but even if you open that door and subsequently have to shut it, I guarantee your heart is better for it.

3.)  People are really weird. Some of the most amazing and inspirational people I have ever met are also the weirdest.  The old saying “don’t judge a book by it’s cover” couldn’t be more true.  Some people who appear to be so transparent can sometimes end up being the most hidden.  And some of the most nondescript can end up being the most magical and unhinged.

4.)  You’re not better than anyone. This is not a race, y’all.  I had a crash course lesson in this when I was 16 years old.  Suddenly I realized that competing against the world at large would only bring me misery, and worse off, would be a complete waste of my precious time in this brilliant and bizarre world.  Quit comparing.  Quit hiding yourself.  There’s always someone who is more _______than you.  Find yourself and love the s**t out of it.  If you can’t- who will?

5.)  Mean people are just fearful. It’s hard to not return rudeness with rudeness.  I’ve slowly learned this since moving to the east coast.  But if she’s rude to you, and you’re rude to her where do you end up? Next time someone is mean to you or cruel, remind yourself that that person is just fighting a battle they haven’t overcome yet and that most likely, that s**t aint yours to bother with.  Let it go and it will let go of you.

6.)  Everyone’s a teacher. At some point you realize that you’re an eternal student. People all around you are here to show you something new.  Listen to other people.  When you are most convicted about your own beliefs it is a prime opportunity to step back for a moment, truly listen to the other side and work out whether or not you subscribe to their belief or sentiment. You’ve changed people’s minds about a lot of things, let them change yours.

7.)  Being tender and open is beautiful.  As a woman, I feel continually shhh’ed.  Too sensitive.  Too mushy.  Too wishy washy. Blah blah.  Don’t let someone steal your tenderness.  Don’t allow the coldness and fear of others to tarnish your perfectly vulnerable beating heart.  Nothing is more powerful than allowing yourself to truly be affected by things. Whether it’s a song, a stranger, a mountain, a rain drop, a tea kettle, an article, a sentence, a footstep…feel it all – look around you- all of this is for you.  Take it and have gratitude.  Give it and feel love.

Full Civic Literacy Exam

I am ashamed to admit how difficult this was for me, but I am also pleased with myself for not totally failing. In fact, I scored well over the national average of 49%, with 82% (27 out of 33 questions correct.) Apparently, I need to enhance my knowledge of economic policy in this country… oy.

Give it a shot! It’s fun review and good brain exercise.

Full Civic Literacy Exam

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In Defense of Facebook

A few friends of mine (okay, probably more like a few acquaintances of mine) have recently made the decision to quit Facebook. That’s all fine and dandy, but their reasoning got me all defensive. One of said acquaintances even wrote a tongue-in-cheek newspaper editorial on why she finds Facebook to be less of a blessing and more of a curse. So, naturally, I got even more defensive…

Say what you will about Facebook, but I have never felt more in touch with people (friends, networks, contacts, old co-workers, and everything in between) than I have since joining. I agree that in-person interaction is always better, but for someone like me, the stark reality is that there is no way I can stay so personally up-to-date with that many people. Facebook makes it easier for me to stay involved, despite all our busy and dynamic lives that often cross borders and timezones.

It’s a great supplement to phone calls, emails, letters (as if anyone still writes letters, lol), and actual visits. Plus – I don’t know about you – but my phone calls rarely touch everything going on in a friend’s life, and certainly not in mine. They are more like overarching, general updates, because there’s only so much time either of us has to just shoot the breeze like we were neighbors again.

Facebook gives me windows into the little details that someone may forget to include in a phone conversation. While there is such a thing as oversharing on Facebook, I love reading about a friend’s (or even an appreciated acquaintance’s) thoughtful insights, funny quips, recent adventures, and random rants. Whether I’ve known the person for years, recently met them at a social gathering, or fell out of touch but still have fond memories of the person, I genuinely enjoy seeing what they are up to.

My editorial writer acquaintance explained that Facebook leads to jealousy, competitive comparisons, feelings of inadequacy, and drama. Okay, so maybe there are one or two individuals I’m connected with that make me feel a little jealous and inadequate, but overall, I love to watch people succeed. It can be motivating! Or maybe, it’s just fun to see the many different paths my friends have taken. I have learned a lot from many of my connections, and I love information sharing – articles, images, blogs… you name it. I love hearing opinions, because they help me hone and develop my own, and challenge me to consider alternate perspectives.

As for drama – well, we all know drama existed long before Facebook, and will continue to exist long after. That will just depend on the user. And even if I wasn’t on Facebook, I probably would still eventually find out that Jane Doe got her Ph.D from Harvard, a diamond way bigger than mine from Tiffany’s, and a 5-star vacation in Paris.

Anyway, for the occasional annoying/obligatorily-friended person that clogs my newsfeed, Facebook has made it much easier to control what I see with the “hide” and “block” features. It also continues to allow me to limit what I share and who I share it with, to protect my own privacy (and I have learned many such lessons on sharing in my 8-odd years on Facebook!) But I will always love virtually staying involved with friends, family, and contacts from near and far via Facebook. I will  miss my acquaintances who are leaving – because they are two that I do actually love to follow and interact with from afar. One is an insightful young mother with a knack for making vegan diets look yummy, and the other is a budding political commentator with a killer sense of humor. I’ve learned something from both of them.

Maybe someday I will change my mind and find it creepy just like many of my peers, but for now, I will continue to involve myself in my little virtual Facebook community – because I know that unfortunately, without it, I would have lost touch with too many pretty awesome (or at least interesting!) people.

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Katniss Everdeen vs. Bella Swann

I’m SO happy that The Hunger Games is killing Twilight at the box office! Katniss is a true, unassuming heroine, with very real issues to deal with and values to fight for. The trilogy brims with motivating and relevant themes, and I love that Katniss’s story doesn’t revolve around the silly distractions that are so omnipresent in young adult literature these days. Honestly, if the trilogy was better written from a literary standpoint, I’d add it to high school reading curriculums – I think what they have to say is that important, and that relevant to society today.

Of course, I can’t stand Bella Swann. I’ve seen the Twilight films, and while they are very entertaining, I just can’t bring myself to relate to a melodramatic teenager who risks not only her life, but everyone else’s lives, for a hormonally-driven love affair/infatuation with a vampire. The whole premise is so selfish to me. Harmful to herself, harmful to everyone else. Young girls shouldn’t look up to Bella, if you ask me!

But, no one did ask me, so the rant ends here 🙂

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The Race Dialogue in America

I usually don’t speak up when it comes to divisive politics and social issues these days – especially when it comes to race, since I’m a privileged white girl and no one would listen to me anyway (har har.)

But in regards to the firestorm surrounding the unthinkable slaying of Trayvon Martin, I only have one thing to remind people amidst some of the oversimplified commentary I’ve read lately: racism is NOT a uniquely American problem, nor is it a uniquely white problem. Genocide, ethnic/racial/religious cleansing, and hate crimes have been perpetuated all over the world for thousands of years, by people of every color, against people of every color – to include (gasp) white Christian males. I don’t think I need to list examples here because – if you’ve ever picked up a history book – we all know it’s true.

Maybe it’s just the patriot in me getting defensive when I hear racism defined as an “American cancer.” I may not have travelled the world or studied every statistic, but I have been around and met enough very different kinds of people to know that prejudice hides in every corner, including in countries that are supposedly more liberal and progressive than our own (I do speak from experience there – it was surprising.)

Racism is an ugly thing, and maybe one day humanity will finally overcome it, so that tragedies like Trayvon Martin will never happen again. However, I strongly feel that for a country of over 300 million people to manage, America is still the most diverse and least segregated countries in the world. I wish the media wouldn’t pin this on the U.S. so exclusively, and recognize racism as the human problem that it really is.