Life & Love

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Rosy Cheek a-Hunting

Typically, I go for warm, coral blushes when I shop for makeup. I’m always looking for that summer glow – shimmers, bronzers, golden peaches. But lately I’ve wanted to switch it up and change to a cooler, crispier pink. I want to trade in my warm glow for the fresh flush – something that would brighten my light complexion instead of warming it. Or maybe something that would add some cool contrast to the warm glow – make me a little less clay-like!

Of course, now that I want it, I can’t find it anywhere. I don’t know if it’s the trends or the season keeping me in the bronzes and peaches, but all I want is the Rose Sucre shade from Lancome that I had years and years ago…

Sigh. First world problems.

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Those Bad Kitty Days

A job I recently looked into required writing samples, which meant digging down into my archives to see what I could scrounge up. In doing so, I stumbled upon an old journal I kept during my internship in London, summer of 2005. It was absolutely hilarious to read back on – my perceptions, insights, and ideas. I had almost forgotten what a special summer that was, and I how lucky I was to share it with my old friend B at such a pivotal, transitional time for both of us.

There was one entry that was particularly interesting. Of the two of us, I was the outgoing party girl, while B was the quieter one who wore her insecurities on her sleeve. She had another good friend that I met in Wales, who was probably three times the party girl I was. I documented a conversation B and I had about how intimidated she was when we went out – how she simultaneously envied and felt threatened by our social dominance, and wished she could be more like us, and comfortable with that sort of behavior.

Now, I’ve expended lots of energy and wasted a lot of breath defending my lifestyle and choices over the years – but in that moment with B, I wrote that I told her “You don’t want to be like us. It’s not really a good thing and I’m not particularly proud of it in the scheme of things.”

I was amazed at my insight at that time, especially because it was even before I truly got into clubbing and nightlife at my peak. And while I did need some defending over the years – I never got into drugs and never slept around, contrary to popular belief – I did create an image for myself that I have a certain amount of regret for now.

It appears that even in those days, I knew I was on unstable ground and chasing a path that probably wasn’t great for me. While I never did anything blatantly bad, I walked a very fine line and put myself in many compromising situations. I was emotionally suppressed and often not as in control of the situation as I should have been. In many ways, I probably was not likable to many people – but very desirable to many of the wrong people, for the wrong reasons. I didn’t take life (or myself) too seriously. Ultimately, I was disrespecting myself.

It’s made me wonder – was I right, or was I wrong? I’m naturally a social being. I love to dance, and to dress up, and to meet new people. I’m also (like many people) insecure and in need of acceptance. I like attention. I don’t think it was wrong for me to embrace being a party girl to an extent, but I think I partially did it for the wrong reasons. It sprouted out of a need for belonging and popularity more than I would ever have admitted back then.

I was very self-conscious and did not have many friends in high school – being the smart, focused, good girl didn’t do me many favors. My home life was not stable and I sought solace by escaping with frivolity and fun as soon as I had the opportunity. Looking back on those days and (hazily) remembering some of those nights, it’s really a miracle I didn’t get in over my head. I owe staying above the worst of it to a few really good friends watching out for me, and of course the remnants of a strong upbringing, knowing what is right and wrong.

I still love to party, and I have had sooo many fun nights and crazy memories – as every young person should. I’ve met interesting people and learned so much about myself in the meantime.  In more recent years, I’ve just done it more responsibly, and tried to stay above the fray. At the same time, it’s become less important to me. It’s actually way more fun when it’s not a lifestyle, but a treat!

It’s just amusing to look back and see that I realized what I was doing and getting into all along… but I did it anyway. I guess it was my way of living dangerously and rebelling, even though I denied it till I was blue in the face and just assumed critics were jealous. And here I am now…married, boring, and getting significantly more sleep… Bad Kitty, retired… at least somewhat 😉

“The other night while picking up groceries, Brendan decided to pick up flowers as well. He said it would be nice to wake up to them. It’s strange because I don’t like flowers, while most do. There is something morbid about them to me – that at the height of their beauty, they are actually dying. Which is funny because the Japanese actually think that mortality in itself is beautiful. The thought that something (to borrow a famous movie quote) will never be as lovely as it is today, in the present. That concept of fleeting beauty is beautiful in itself.

It reminded me of this other quote which could be applied to many other things in life besides flowers: if you only have two pennies left in this world, buy bread with one, and a flower with the other. Everything has something to offer.

And yes, he was right. They were a lovely sight this morning!”

~erlnyc

Hi kittens!

Yesterday was Chuck’s and my big Date Day (hmm, why does Date Night sound so much better?) We started out with massages at Mayfaire, but then I surprised him with tickets to the “Heart of Downtown” walking tour of Wilmington’s best restaurants, with Culinary Adventures.

One of the last times we were in Wilmington together, Chuck ran up to a tour and got the lady’s card. He kept talking about how we needed to go, but we never followed up and it didn’t actually happen. So, I stole the card off his nightstand and booked it myself. (I tend to be the one who takes a little more initiative on these things 😉 Plus, Chuck is not easy to “shop” for – it’s difficult to find things he’s excited about that I can actually get for him. This was perfect!)

So, despite walking around in the heat, we had a great time learning about the area restaurants, getting little tidbits of Wilmington history, and tasting delicious noms ranging from gourmet French, to low country Southern, to all-American breakfast, to cupcakes (yay!), to a variety of fine wines. We met chefs and even got a few cooking tips.

At first I was worried the tour would include a lot of the restaurants we’d already been to (which wouldn’t have been awful – they’re all great!), but luckily we visited quite a few I’d never even heard of. We actually started at a very nondescript-looking deli on a corner, which turned out to be one of my favorite stops. Each sandwich is inspired from a different port city (like Wilmington) from around the world, which I thought was a very fun concept and made for some unique and tasty sandwiches.

Anyway, for foodies like us, it was a perfect thing to do together, and something a little different. We got home and Chuck whipped up some homemade mozzarella sticks – guess he got the culinary bug for real now…!

Otherwise, the rest of the weekend has just been really rainy – so we’ve been watching the Lord of the Rings trilogy. Chuck is appalled that I’ve never seen it. I’m actually surprised by how much I like it…I’m not much of a fantasy person typically 🙂

(Taken with Instagram)

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Financial Planning, Like a Boss

It’s time to give our financial plan a revamp sesh, because after paying for the bulk of our wedding, honeymoon, furniture, finishing off loans, etc, we – well… didn’t have really have one. Instead, we took a rather “laissez-faire” approach to spending and saving, which hasn’t particularly done us any favors.

So, I wrote out a little fact/observations sheet in order to guide our new plan. I even printed it out on nice paper (along with our red and green budget!) so Chuck and I can both have a copy – like a contract! Mild disagreement on hard numbers aside, we seem to be in agreement that:

1) Our records to date demonstrate that the laissez-faire approach has led to a static (and even shrinking) checking account and no real savings account or 401(k). Plus, I haven’t been able to contribute much to my IRA since I became virtually unemployed…

2) As it turns out, living really isn’t all that cheap here in cozy coastal NC.   We are paying more in rent than either of us ever has (almost) combined, on one relatively modest salary (USMC keeps us humble!)   Our bills are comparable, if not more, to what we’ve ever paid because we live in a 3 bedroom house. I’m not sure the cost of electricity varies much from place to place anyway.  Gas may be slightly cheaper down here, but we are both driving many more miles every day…

3) The future is looming, and unfortunately, “adult” life means preparing for it. In the next few years, I anticipate a significant probability for two new cars (that’s inevitable), a Master’s degree (I imagine I’ll eventually need or really want one), and babies (bleh.) The fact is that we are really poorly prepared for any of those things, especially if we get unlucky and cars/babies happen before we plan them. Plus, I really do want to travel some before we become parents!

4) Experts say that we should have enough saved up so that if we were to miss a month’s pay, we won’t be screwed. We are definitely out of that hole (yay!), but not by much.   If we ever encounter a true emergency or unpredicted needs (knock on hardcore wood), we are screwed!

5) We are only ever guaranteed one income – Chuck’s. Until further notice, we can never count on me making significant money, so we have to plan for just one paycheck to work with.

Ultimately, I came to the realization that humans are naturally inclined to spend whatever is in their piggy bank. Thus, we need to control what’s in that piggy bank to keep us from needlessly overspending, keeping handy only what we need by minimizing what’s in our proverbial wallet. I’m affectionately calling it the “Living paycheck to paycheck by choice approach.”

I worked up our monthly expenses and came up with a number. Now, we are just trying to decide if the better approach is to cap our checking account at a number around that total and save the rest, or if we should settle on a safe but aggressive number to set aside every month and let the checking account fluctuate from there.

In the meantime, we’re trying to curb our entertainment spending by just using my money, which is pretty much what I’ve been doing already. It’s the perfect amount to cover dinners, movies, and other miscellaneous fluff (technical term) that we may want. I’m also paying for our trip to Savannah with that. Of course, I lose my temp job at the end of September, so depending on how things go, that could change drastically one way or the other! Blah.

Anyways… I just want to save super aggressively – almost over aggressively – till we reach our goal, so we have a reasonable cushion. Then we can relax the approach to a more typical savings rate. Even though the number we agreed to save was less than I originally budgeted, I’m hoping to reach our goal by early next spring!

We should have time to catch up once Chuck deploys, too. More pay + fewer expenses (funny how much cheaper my grocery bill is with him gone!!) = more to save. I can also cut out useless bills like Xbox and HBO when he’s gone 😉 We’ll also have one less cell phone to pay for and one less car to keep pumped! And, one can still hope for a nice tax refund in April…

Anyhoo. I needed to ramble that through. Guess we will see how it goes! I think we can totally do it 🙂

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Anniversary Trip, Booked!

After a long week of cold-calling potential investors at work, eating like crap, and being overall crabby, I decided I needed to get on the whole book-something-to-look-forward-to thing. Plus, after a whirlwind summer of visitors, weddings, and trips home, Chuck and I have become rather homebody-ish in the past few weeks.

So, I booked our anniversary trip to Savannah for October 6th and 7th at the beautiful, historic, French Renaissance-inspired Olde Savannah Inn, right in the Historic District by Forsyth Park. Our package includes a $100 gift certificate to the renowned Olde Pink House Restaurant, two tickets for the Old Town Trolley to tour the town, and a moonlight carriage ride for two. It’s not Napa or Europe (we’ve got many anniversaries ahead for that, right?), but I am sooo excited. I’ve never been to Savannah! It looks so intimate and quaint.

I also booked a “surprise” date for Chuck and I next weekend. I’d say what it is, but with my luck, it’ll be the one time he actually reads my blog. He’s pretty smart though, so he’s probably already figured it out anyway. Regardless, I’m looking forward to doing something different together around here. 🙂

Today we are thinking of going to the Sneads Ferry Shrimp Festival, but it’s so muggy and gross out. Two storms have already passed through. I really do feel the need to do something though. I think we’re going to shave the cat instead!

Out of nowhere, laying in bed last night:

Chuck: “So, I’ll make a deal with you.”

Me: “Ok?”

Chuck: “Once we get to $XYZ in our checking account, we can get a kitten.”

Me: *Surprised silence* “You really think a kitten is going to put that much of a dent in our finances?”

Chuck: “Well no, but it gives us some sort of goal and timeline for it.”

I’m not sure how a kitten is connected to that much money, but it’s a start! Chuck has been decidedly anti-cat overall, but I knew all those cute pictures of kittens on his beloved Reddit would eventually break him down and melt that macho little heart 😉

Hooray!!!

Chuck calls me Holly Golightly sometimes. I finally saw the film and was a little insulted.

I’m going to guess it’s because she’s obsessed with her cat (I’ll take that.)

And maybe because I was an Ice Queen when it came to love. WAS. Past tense 🙂 I guess there’s no denying that one, but I am cured now!

When I grow up and have my own boutique cupcake shop, this will hang in large poster form on the wall, instead of a greeting card cutout on my fridge 🙂