personal

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…But on a lighter (or at least more thoughtful!) note…

While I was puking my guts out Monday night into Tuesday morning, I took a moment to Google some tips on relief. The first several links were – sadly – all about how to deal with cancer and chemotherapy. It gave me a serious wake-up call in the midst of my self-pity… I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, and again, and again… I am SO thankful for a healthy body.

I’ve always wished and prayed for health and happiness – for myself, for my loved ones, for everyone! I think those are the two most important things. But in that moment (I’m sure exaggerated by the situation in which I found myself), I decided that if I had to choose one, it would be health. Not that happy people are always healthy, or unhealthy people always unhappy, but happiness is so much more difficult to achieve if your body (and mind) won’t cooperate. All I could think about were the cancer patients reading the same links I was reading. All I could think about was my mother, homeless on that freezing cold night. I had it damn good, curled up in the loving embrace of my porcelain potty.

Freedom from disease of the body and of the mind is a beautiful thing. It’s so much more difficult to pursue happiness if you don’t have that. I hope I never take my freedom for granted.

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What a goofy week…

1) Uncle dies. I was not particularly close to him, and his life was fairly depressing… but still. RIP, Uncle Bill 😦

2) Mom suddenly resurfaces. After 6 months of relative silence and “treatment” (aka punishment for her recent offenses), she is back on the streets of Colorado. What is even more depressing about the whole situation (besides the fact that it’s freezing cold everywhere lately) is that my Dad seems to have harbored a belief somewhere deep down that the “treatment” was going to help. He still clings to this shred of hope that perpetually leads to disappointment…

3) I got food poisoning Monday night, and while the puking has subsided, I still get bouts of wooziness and I tire easily. Damn you, expired Pillsbury Cinnamon Rolls!

4) My sister’s dog basically has two bum lungs, and needs to have his chest cut open to have them fixed, at a very high cost. If not, he dies. He’s already had several liters of air pumped out of his chest cavity already. Basically, her dog is to her what Annie is to me, so… I feel Bonni’s despair.

5) I went to the doctor before Christmas for my pre-Japan medical clearance, all on top of things and ready to go. I repeatedly asked for confirmation paperwork and signatures, but was emphatically told I did not need any. Turns out she was wrong, wrong, wrong, so I get paperwork from some random source in Japan and go back this week, still woozy from the food poisoning. She doesn’t understand the papers, so she sends me home while she calls around to figure them out. As it turns out, she isn’t qualified to do medical clearances, and I’m supposed to go to some other place that does them. Now I’m trying to schedule doctor’s appointment #3, but no one will pick up their phone! Of course, we can’t finalize or book anything until we are cleared. I can’t decide if it’s the military at large that is incompetent, if it’s me, or if it’s just the Army. Ha! 

6) I have to take the Bean to the worst vet appointment ever, but you all already know about that. 180-day quarantine started yesterday (at least it’s in-home!)

Grrr. Can this week be over already? I need a fresh start.

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2013: A Year in Review

Actually, I’d like to talk about more than just one year. Specifically, I want to talk about the past 3 years! Only because I feel as though 2014 is the beginning of a whole new era, and it’s rather unbelievable how much has happened in that relatively brief period of time. The events of those years have ultimately culminated into what I am feeling at this very moment, and captures an interesting combination of emotion, growth, and self-discovery that I know is not nearly finished yet.

In that time as a new wife between 2010 and 2013, I’ve been through two deployments, two work-ups, three less-than-desirable moves (about to do a fourth), and said goodbye to two really good jobs – not to mention friends, family, and ready access to some of my favorite things. Sure, I’ve dealt with a little resentment in the process (and probably still will from time to time), but I’ve also experienced things that have added new dimension to my life, in all kinds of ways that I like to think make me happier and more interesting than I was before. I worked in the medical community. I lived on the beach. I diversified my resume in the business community. I visited beautiful Southern cities and held baby tigers. I learned the inner workings of (and made a name for myself in) a whole new city. And with frequent moves and long separations, I learned my own strength. Essentially, the past few years have forced me to create opportunity for myself in new and unexpected ways.

Now, I’m about to embark on a new adventure with my husband and partner in crime. I can’t lie – the first few weeks after hearing the news were really difficult and full of inner turmoil, but now I am remarkably at peace with it. In fact, I am even excited about it, and look upon the move with inspiration and hope for the great (and even the not so great) experiences it will bring.

I do struggle with some things that come with being a military spouse (and I try not to struggle too much out loud), but the truth of the matter is that Chuck is the best thing to ever happen to me, and I love him and my little Annie Bean more than anything in the world. I know how rare and special it is to find that kind of love and family and adventure, and I want to be sure I never take that for granted, in 2014 and beyond…

Two of my favorite culinary items from this past weekend’s Army/Navy Football + Christmas party are pictured above: jumbo spiral cut ham and chocolate chip cookie dough brownies! I also loved the mashed potatoes, but they aren’t quite as photogenic 🙂

The party was a hit. It was pouring rain outside, but pretty much everyone we invited showed up. After the game (yawn), we played a rousing and hilarious game of Cards Against Humanity, and then played with the XBOX Kinect until our knees and joints ached. I never tire of Dance Central!! I looove that came, and of course – I always win 🙂

This is our last week before we head home to Virginia for the holidays! It’s pure admin before we go. Medical clearance for Japan, various appointments for government passports for Japan, random miscellaneous paperwork… you guessed it, for Japan. I feel so bad for poor Annie. Her past two Japan-centric visits to the vet were traumatic enough, but the worst is yet to come! Early January, she has to get a blood test that will require tying her up and restraining her, since they will take the blood straight from the jugular. They will ask me to leave the room 😦

Probably a good idea, to be honest. It’s gonna be heartbreaking!

In a pleasant turn of events, two of my old co-workers from DC were in Columbus on business this week.  As it turns out, one of Chuck’s old Marine friends from TBS was also newly in the area. Chuck and I met them out for dinner Downtown. I haven’t laughed so much in quite a while! Good reminiscing, dynamic conversation about what we’re all up to now, and jolly silly fun all ‘round.  I left feeling refreshed and energized!

It’s always good to catch up with old friends, and it’s always fun to combine both Chuck’s and my worlds in one lively evening! I do rather miss that sometimes.

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Too much spaghetti

Chuck always says that women have spaghetti brains, while men have waffle brains. Women can think of multiple things at once, and often manage to get them all tangled together as part of some complex relationship with random connections. Men prefer to compartmentalize, thinking of one (maybe two) things at one time, and often fail to make connections among them (because in their view, those connections likely don’t exist anyway.)

Lately I’ve been dealing with bouts of insomnia, and it’s totally due to my spaghetti brain. I am trying to process things that have already happened, and things that will happen soon. I will spare you the details of each and every noodle, but I will say that I am completely bipolar over this Japan thing.

One day, I can’t believe it’s happening – and the resentment bubbles up in me like an over-carbonated soft drink (sorry, I spent too much time at the Coke Museum yesterday…) The next day, I feel like if the orders were changed to somewhere else, it’ll be as if a unique opportunity was taken from me, and I jinxed it with negative thinking.

Much of the time, these switches can change from minute to minute, not even day to day! Oy vey, I need to relax. There’s nothing I can do about it anyway. It just makes me think harder about what I want for my (our) future, and how much control over it I’m willing to give up… Which only serves to start a whole new cycle of stressors..!

Chuck and I ended up turning a relatively quiet Thanksgiving weekend into an impromptu adventure in Atlanta, with our friends Janet and Terry. We started at the Atlanta History Center, where we toured the Swan House, the Smith Family Farm (I fed the chickens!), the American Civil War Exhibit, and the Centennial Olympic Games Museum.

Then, we toured the SweetWater Brewery (the boys’ vote), where I sampled six different beers and learned how it’s made (go me!) I also befriended an adorable mastiff puppy with a gimp, named Ellie.

We checked into our lovely room at the Ritz-Carlton (milso’s, take note: military rate is amazingly affordable!) and freshened up for dinner at South City Kitchen and a performance in Midtown by the Atlanta Symphony and Cirque du Soleil. We wrapped up the evening at the delightfully stereotypical Havana Club for some dancing. We even learned to salsa!

Sunday we hit up the World of Coca Cola, which was more of a brainwashing/marketing overload than a true museum experience. It was pretty neat, but I think all of us are happy to avoid Coke for a while…

We got home later on Sunday – exhausted, but happy. It’s nice to get a taste of city life when we can… I have missed it!

My new sporty shoes came in the mail over the weekend, and yesterday I got to break them in at the gym. Those of you who know me well are aware that I’m a high-heels and pretty shoes kind of girl, but these are rather fabulous. I love the shock of pink.

I am very sore today! Yesterday we worked on legs and butt. I love it when I can FEEL it! Chuck has focused on perfecting my form and style, so that I do the exercises correctly as we add more weight. This means that generally, I feel tired after a work out, but not that sore. Today is different, and I’m loving it!

Anyway, I am headed out shortly to do some Christmas shopping, because next week is DECEMBER! (Holy cow, when did that happen?) Shopping here is rather limited, so I hope I can scrounge up at least a few goodies…

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Fresh Day, Fresh Perspective

So, today I’m thinking I overreacted to the news of us potentially moving to Okinawa. Now that I’ve allowed it to digest, I’m starting to see it as more of an adventure than a lost opportunity. Everything has its pros and cons, but I think it could be fun. It could certainly be better than moving to another dead-end American town, that’s for sure.

As for that “day-to-day” experience I was worried about – it may be a great time to finally pursue an online Masters degree. That way, when I re-enter the work force in 3 years, I won’t have totally lost my relevance…

Of course, I really shouldn’t be putting so much thought into this anyway. The military is notorious for changing its mind, and we don’t even have orders yet!

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Surprise…!

… we are moving to Okinawa.

Actually, we don’t have orders yet, so I am trying not to freak out more than I already have. In an unexpected, early announcement from Chuck’s monitor, we found out we are “slated” to move to Japan in the spring. This is not great news for either of us, but especially for me. What the heck am I going to do in Okinawa? 😦

There is still hope though – Chuck is going to call the monitor and see if we have any other choice. This was not even remotely on our list of preferences, and we are still wondering why we weren’t given any options in the first place (like everyone else we know has.)

I’m just… tired. Twice this year I’ve had my hopes up for something a little better around the corner, but things just keep getting worse. I hate to be dramatic – and yes, I’m sure I’ll find things to love and experiences to value in Okinawa, just like I did in NC and GA – but I don’t particularly want to spend the next three years of my life on a remote, isolated little military base in the middle of the Pacific…

Giant chocolate cake is in the oven…