Rants

by

Anddd I Found a Winner!

…In churches, that is. Chuck and I tried a few last year, and being the picky and critical little Christians that we are, we remained vastly displeased and gave up altogether.

Yesterday I tried one that I’d had a positive hunch about for a while – just a middle sized Methodist church near the beach. As soon as the pastor started talking about how life isn’t sunshine and roses just because you are a Christian, I was hooked. One of my biggest issues with churches these days is the false sense of security they’re giving people. I’m tired of all the “look to the Lord and He will fix your problems because we are special” bull crap. Umm, no. Doesn’t quite work that way, Reverend. Not even for the original Christians who were actually good at it.

Anyway, the service was Biblical, relateable, and even-keeled. I learned something from it. The community was not too big or too small. People actually noticed I was new and came to say hi. The congregation was mixed with the old, the young, and children. There were plenty of embedded support and mission focuses that I liked – hunger, children, military families (that’s me!)

Definitely beats the hokey rock star churches Chuck and I tried last fall, so I think I’ll just stick with this one. I hope it continues to please! I’m really just looking for a supportive community and an engaging approach to Biblical study. I would love to get some sort of intellectual connection with the pastor. I have so many questions and am fascinated by many religious/theological topics! I just have a hard time discussing it with the 100% spiritually focused… so I am encouraged by what I’ve seen so far.

Maybe now I won’t be such a lazy heathen anymore 🙂

by

I’m really not sure how I feel about this article that a Facebook friend posted condemning Beyonce for her sexy performance during the Superbowl.

I’m so torn on the issue of female sexuality. On one hand, I agree we are overly sexualized, and that creates all kinds of problems – from body issues in girls, to objectification and abuse by men. On the other, I think it’s a positive thing for women to embrace their sexuality and be equal to men in their sexual confidence, especially after so many generations of repression – not to be hidden away like some forbidden fruit. It is natural, after all…?

Religion tends to demonize sex, and while I agree the context of marriage/monogamy is the healthiest way to do it, I disagree that it should be repressed or portrayed as anything close to satanic (yes, this writer actually evokes Satan’s name in describing Beyonce’s image…)

Like many things in our human condition, sex can be abused… but I grew up fearing it, and was overly self-conscious and under appreciative of my body, thanks in part to the religious approach. Modesty has its place, as does the celebration of the female body – and I guess I’m just unsure of where to draw the line sometimes.

by

Apparently “Vagina” is a Dirty Word…

I was watching “Mean Girls” on MTV last night and was all prepared to giggle when the chubby girl in the gym scene at the end says, “I can’t help it that I have a heavy flow and a wide-set vagina.”

Except, MTV decided to bleep out the part about the wide-set vagina.

Okay, I thought. Weird, but whatever! In the next minute of the same scene, however, MTV left “bitch”, “slut”, and “whore” decidedly UNbleeped. I was flabbergasted! Since when is “vagina” a dirtier word than “slut”?

I don’t want to get all feminazi over here, but it does go to show how our culture regards women and how it defines misogyny. Am I crazy to prefer my kid coming to me asking about vaginas than bitches and ho’s? Maybe it’s just me.

Remember that diversity of thought and ideals (and the freedom to express them without fear of persecution) is what makes this country so great. I think that each of you is intelligent, principled, and patriotic, regardless of who you voted for today.

I honestly believe this, and know that every American has a passion AND logic for what he/she believes more so than in so many parts of the world today. I think it’s really sad that regardless of what my vote is, someone close to me on either side will respect my intellect, values, and patriotism less as a result…

I am embarrassed to say that I did not vote this year. I did order my absentee ballot weeks ago, but it never showed up. Not sure if I did something wrong or if they did…? Regardless, I should have stayed on top of it better. To be honest though, I really had a hard time this year in terms of who to vote for. That’s why I admire both my Obama supporter friends and my Romney supporter friends, because they are so convicted in what they want for this country. I, on the other hand, am more befuddled than ever! I agree that we are in such a pivotal, volatile time in our history, so I really felt the (hypothetical) power of my vote this year, and it scared me a little…

Too late now of course, but I’m looking forward to hear what America decides!

by

Applying for jobs would be a lot less time consuming and exhausting if I didn’t have to rewrite my resume for every online app’s format in ADDITION to uploading my actual resume. Why can’t that be enough? Adding all these entries over and over is just silly. Can’t they read? What’s the point? It’s redundant. Whatever happened to the days of a resume and cover letter? 

I’m about to give up on this damn thing. I’ve spent over an hour on it. I don’t even want this job and probably won’t get it anyway. But GAHHH I canNOT work at CVS for the next whole year. Unfortunately that’s settling a little too low for me… the 9 non-stop hours on my feet getting yelled at by customers and pharmacists for $8.50 per hour is not my cup of tea.

Sigh. Just a moment of frustration, folks. I’m grateful I held onto the pharmacy gig in case nothing else came through for me. But I hope the temp agency finds me something to hold me over till we get out of here… or else I might go a little crazy 🙂

by

Those Bad Kitty Days

A job I recently looked into required writing samples, which meant digging down into my archives to see what I could scrounge up. In doing so, I stumbled upon an old journal I kept during my internship in London, summer of 2005. It was absolutely hilarious to read back on – my perceptions, insights, and ideas. I had almost forgotten what a special summer that was, and I how lucky I was to share it with my old friend B at such a pivotal, transitional time for both of us.

There was one entry that was particularly interesting. Of the two of us, I was the outgoing party girl, while B was the quieter one who wore her insecurities on her sleeve. She had another good friend that I met in Wales, who was probably three times the party girl I was. I documented a conversation B and I had about how intimidated she was when we went out – how she simultaneously envied and felt threatened by our social dominance, and wished she could be more like us, and comfortable with that sort of behavior.

Now, I’ve expended lots of energy and wasted a lot of breath defending my lifestyle and choices over the years – but in that moment with B, I wrote that I told her “You don’t want to be like us. It’s not really a good thing and I’m not particularly proud of it in the scheme of things.”

I was amazed at my insight at that time, especially because it was even before I truly got into clubbing and nightlife at my peak. And while I did need some defending over the years – I never got into drugs and never slept around, contrary to popular belief – I did create an image for myself that I have a certain amount of regret for now.

It appears that even in those days, I knew I was on unstable ground and chasing a path that probably wasn’t great for me. While I never did anything blatantly bad, I walked a very fine line and put myself in many compromising situations. I was emotionally suppressed and often not as in control of the situation as I should have been. In many ways, I probably was not likable to many people – but very desirable to many of the wrong people, for the wrong reasons. I didn’t take life (or myself) too seriously. Ultimately, I was disrespecting myself.

It’s made me wonder – was I right, or was I wrong? I’m naturally a social being. I love to dance, and to dress up, and to meet new people. I’m also (like many people) insecure and in need of acceptance. I like attention. I don’t think it was wrong for me to embrace being a party girl to an extent, but I think I partially did it for the wrong reasons. It sprouted out of a need for belonging and popularity more than I would ever have admitted back then.

I was very self-conscious and did not have many friends in high school – being the smart, focused, good girl didn’t do me many favors. My home life was not stable and I sought solace by escaping with frivolity and fun as soon as I had the opportunity. Looking back on those days and (hazily) remembering some of those nights, it’s really a miracle I didn’t get in over my head. I owe staying above the worst of it to a few really good friends watching out for me, and of course the remnants of a strong upbringing, knowing what is right and wrong.

I still love to party, and I have had sooo many fun nights and crazy memories – as every young person should. I’ve met interesting people and learned so much about myself in the meantime.  In more recent years, I’ve just done it more responsibly, and tried to stay above the fray. At the same time, it’s become less important to me. It’s actually way more fun when it’s not a lifestyle, but a treat!

It’s just amusing to look back and see that I realized what I was doing and getting into all along… but I did it anyway. I guess it was my way of living dangerously and rebelling, even though I denied it till I was blue in the face and just assumed critics were jealous. And here I am now…married, boring, and getting significantly more sleep… Bad Kitty, retired… at least somewhat 😉

by

I saw the last of the Batman trilogy, Dark Knight Rises, today and couldn’t get myself to love it like I wanted to. Maybe it’s just me and my slow brain, but the plot seemed so convoluted in all three, and I kept losing track of what the point was. It’s like they tried to squeeze in so much that I lost sight of the deeper messages – which I think they could have done so much better with!

Or maybe I just can’t get into superhero/action flicks…