personal

Chuck’s accidental pumpkin plant has become quite the beast in our garden – we have to monitor it so it doesn’t crowd out our tomatoes and blueberries! But check out our two baby pumpkins! We may have home grown Jack o’Lanterns this Halloween yet…

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Musing About the Value of a Master’s Degree…

So, about a week ago, I paid off the last of my undergraduate loan (woohoo!) It was painful, considering I had no idea that I’d spent the past 5 years paying off mere interest ONLY, so Chuck and I made the decision to hit it hard and just pay it off in large chunks and eliminate the principle altogether. It stung, but at least it’s over with, and we can enjoy being officially debt-free.

But of course, now I’m thinking more than ever about my “next steps” in higher education. A master’s degree is increasingly becoming the new status quo, and I do feel the need for one, and even the desire (my own ego is at stake here, ha!) I enjoyed school, I’m more focused now, and I would like to expand my knowledge base and work my brain again. Also, any halfway decent jobs I find in this area “prefer” masters degrees (oddly enough), so I honestly think it would make me look more appealing, regardless of how much actual work experience I’ve had.

At the same time, I’m still as fuzzy as ever in knowing what to do with my life, and how much I value a big fancy career, as opposed to just working and being productive and finding happiness outside of work. As discussed before, military life makes this exponentially more difficult. If I go back to the basics (“What do you like?”), my academic interests still lie in foreign affairs, international studies, and the news. I still love that shiz! I could see myself in the CIA, or at the State Department, or at USAID… doing communications, management, planning, or policy.

But of course, those tracks require being in DC, for the most part. Otherwise, they will require travel to all kinds of “exotic” locations that are certainly not compatible with the demands of my husband’s career (you can’t have two tricky ones!!) I may not want to travel like a maniac to far corners of the earth in my 30’s anyway…

So, I’m thinking MBA lately. It may be cliche, but it’s versatile. I can use it if I go back to consulting, and I could use it if I get into hospital or university management (two things I honestly think I would enjoy, and take around with me.) It wouldn’t interest me as much as a variety of other degrees would, but it’s functional, and let’s face it – practicality trumps all at this point! It fits well into the resume I already have, and I’m sure I could use it in a government setting as well.

The other issue is COST. Ugh. I hate the idea of going back into debt – bleeding money instead of making it. School is so freaking expensive these days. I was looking at one program that charges $1500 per CREDIT HOUR. No freaking way. It was a pretty reputable school, but seriously… how low do I have to stoop so I can afford to go? Even the lower ranked schools cost a small fortune 😦

Anyways, as always – just trying to figure out and balance what I want vs. what I need vs. what I should do vs. what Icando vs. what I actually care and don’t care about.  I don’t know why I still try so hard to have a life plan – I should probably just continue to wing it – throw caution to the wind and trust that I’m smart and will get by no matter what winds come our way. Life doesn’t always have to be so by the book…

I mean hey, it’s worked so far, right?

…

These kinds of memes annoy me so much! While I’m vehemently opposed to extreme dieting and all the “thinspo” crap that I see out there, I am naturally built more like the women in the top row, and have never felt fully comfortable with myself either. I’m coming into my own these days, but attitudes like this don’t help.

Beauty comes in many forms, and all are acceptable so long as your lifestyle choices are healthy. Our culture needs to stop being so critical of the female form(s) overall…and ladies, it starts with each of us (many of the harshest comments come from girls.)

And, I think it’s funny that so many people hold Marilyn Monroe as an example of true, “natural” beauty. She actually had plenty of work done to transform her from her Norma Jean days to the sexpot we know and love today… to include some plastic surgery. And if she was around in the age of tabloids, I’m sure some idiot would be blasting her cellulite. Just sayin’.

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For the Love of Leopard Stilettos

A few years ago, I made the most amazing discovery at TJ Maxx: Guess leopard print heels for only $35.99. They had the added bonus of not only being smokin’ hot, but mega comfortable (as comfortable as 3.5-4 inch heels can get, of course.) They were the type of shoes that looked super sexy with a mini LBD for a night on the town, but could also pass for office wear with a toned down neutral outfit, for just a touch of added spice. I knew they were appropriate for work because even the snooty women at work complimented them all the time, instead of turning me into HR (which has actually happened before, for my “color choices”, but that’s another story.)

Alas, after 3 years rocking these heels on a regular basis, at work and at play, I did the unthinkable – I lost them during my move out from my apartment in Arlington. I last wore them for my bachelorette party in Atlantic City, and never saw them again. I didn’t see them moving out, and I didn’t see them moving into my new home in NC. I’m pretty sure they were in a cluster of bags, mostly filled with trash, and I just got them mixed in and threw them out (along with my wedding veil, one week before the wedding, but that’s another story.)

Ever since, I have sought a replacement pair. But, there’s just nothing that comes close. I thought I found it with these sassy little things from ShoeDazzle, but as it turns out, they are far too stripper-ish for the versatile wear I enjoyed with the originals.  Since when does EVERY cute shoe have to be over 5 inches tall and include a large platform?

Sigh. The search continues…

Had another great weekend with an old friend! Mimi and I go back to sophomore year of college, where we were the dorks serving on Brown Hall Council at W&M. We spent junior and senior years as RA’s (pretty bad ones, I might add), then both ended up working and living the yuppie lifestyle in Northern VA, where she still lives and works. She was also a bridesmaid in Chuck’s and my wedding. The weather turned out less than beach-friendly for her visit, but we still had fun with the beach bars, restaurants, and the Pirates of the Caribbean ship in Downtown Wilmington! I’m loving that friends are coming to visit me. I always feel bad when I go up to DC for a visit, and have to squeeze so many people in that I barely get quality time with anyone. So, it’s nice that we are not so far away from home that visits are still reasonable. 🙂

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Wedding Pictures Galore

When I planned my wedding last fall (sans husband, who – naturally – was deployed), I did all I could to cut corners when it came to our budget. We paid for most of the wedding and honeymoon ourselves, so I was always looking for a good deal. On most things, I’m proud to say that I found those bargains – to include my photographer, who was an old acquaintance of mine from my Bad Kitty days.

Sadly, he was the only cut-corner that didn’t quite live up to expectations, but between his photos, and those of friends and family with some kick-ass cameras, I have salvaged the situation and gotten some decent gems.

Of course, this meant going through AND editing hundreds of them myself (which is probably why I’ve had a headache all week) but I’m kind of proud of the way they turned out, considering the way they were. It was fun! I’ve always loved playing with pictures, and taking them too. Makes me think I shoud get into wedding/couple photography on my own. Hmm. 🙂

Anyway, despite being sick of looking at them at this point (ha), I’m including a handful of favorites that I compressed and put into collage form to save space (so they may be a bit distorted/blurry.) It really was such a beautiful day, with the most amazing people, if I do say so myself!

                       ~ October 8, 2011 – Arlington & Fairfax, Virginia ~

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On Mother’s Day…

Happy Mother’s Day to all the mothers out there – I am lucky to know so many great ones! I don’t like to get too depressing or emo on here, but of course I’ve been thinking about my own mother, and missing her…because overall, it feels like I don’t have one.

My mother is alive, but not well – and not in the traditional sense. In many ways it would be much simpler if she was dying of some physical ailment, but instead, she’s suffering from debilitating mental illness, which is equally as real and even more horrifying in its manifestation – not to mention far more damaging to our relationships, self-esteem, and family as a whole…

It’s a long, confusing story that basically comes down to paranoid delusional and psychotic disorders, suicide attempts, depression, and anxiety. The worst part of it is that she doesn’t think she’s sick, refuses treatment, and has shut my dad, sister, and I out because she thinks we have contributed to or downright caused her delusional state of misery, fear, and loneliness. Worse yet – I can barely remember a time when she was happy, and what made her great as a mom (because once upon a time, she was…)

Anyway, I don’t want to dwell much on the matter, and I don’t want to pity myself. It’s truly her that suffers most. I just wanted say how much I miss her, and struggle to remember better times while also trying to move on and accept that she will never get better, but most likely worse… continuing to cope with the fact that she blames me for her situation, and however much I know intellectually that it’s not real, it is very real to her… and that’s all that really matters. Unfortunately, her reality drives this, not ours. In her mind, I have hurt her, and we both have to live with that.

Mom, you are far from us physically, mentally, and emotionally, but even though I try to forget you and all that has happened, I will always love you. Happy Mother’s Day ❤

I love it when my old and new worlds collide!! This past weekend, my good friend Laura came to visit from DC. We had so much fun enjoying the beach, downtown Wilmington, and a rousing Cinco de Mayo party in the midst of a southern thunderstorm. Ole!