Chasing Yesterday’s Rainbows

Mom & Bonni

I took this photo of my mother and my sister during one of our many visits to a mental hospital in northern Virginia, many years ago now. It was a lucky capture of something increasingly fleeting – tenderness, trust, and a smile, between a mother and her daughter. I haven’t been secretive about my mom’s descent into severe mental illness. It is highly stigmatized, which is stupid, because that makes it far more difficult for all of us to bear. So I will always speak up.

Mom battles Delusional Disorder and Paranoid Personality Disorder, which have no cure and no trusted form of treatment, due to the patient’s inherent suspicion and lack of insight into her condition. We’ve seen her through psychotic breakdowns, hospital stays, suicide attempts, jail time, and homelessness. As hard as that is, the reason it’s most excruciating is because Mom was our best friend growing up. She was a loving and energetic person. But her delusions have transformed Bonni, my dad, and I into the enemy, causing her a great deal of fear, anger, sadness, and pain – which causes her to lash out. And now, it’s hard not to hate the manipulative and abusive person she has become. Continue reading

Off to Colorado today to celebrate this little punk’s mountain wedding! (The little sister, not the cat. That is my precious Sam the First – Lord rest his soul….)

P.S. Little known fact: I wrote a book about Sam the First when I was in middle school. It was a 15 chapter novel written in the first person. (From the cat’s perspective of course.) Unfortunately, I lost all except Chapters 1-5 😦

P.S.S. My teeth look like they were coming in nice and straight, don’t they…? Riiiiight.

P.S.S.S. This pic was taken in 29 Palms, California… back when we were desert bums!

Okay okay, back to Bonni!! This is her weekend 🙂 I am excited to celebrate with her and Allison, and to see Colorado for the first time!