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Those Bad Kitty Days

A job I recently looked into required writing samples, which meant digging down into my archives to see what I could scrounge up. In doing so, I stumbled upon an old journal I kept during my internship in London, summer of 2005. It was absolutely hilarious to read back on – my perceptions, insights, and ideas. I had almost forgotten what a special summer that was, and I how lucky I was to share it with my old friend B at such a pivotal, transitional time for both of us.

There was one entry that was particularly interesting. Of the two of us, I was the outgoing party girl, while B was the quieter one who wore her insecurities on her sleeve. She had another good friend that I met in Wales, who was probably three times the party girl I was. I documented a conversation B and I had about how intimidated she was when we went out – how she simultaneously envied and felt threatened by our social dominance, and wished she could be more like us, and comfortable with that sort of behavior.

Now, I’ve expended lots of energy and wasted a lot of breath defending my lifestyle and choices over the years – but in that moment with B, I wrote that I told her “You don’t want to be like us. It’s not really a good thing and I’m not particularly proud of it in the scheme of things.”

I was amazed at my insight at that time, especially because it was even before I truly got into clubbing and nightlife at my peak. And while I did need some defending over the years – I never got into drugs and never slept around, contrary to popular belief – I did create an image for myself that I have a certain amount of regret for now.

It appears that even in those days, I knew I was on unstable ground and chasing a path that probably wasn’t great for me. While I never did anything blatantly bad, I walked a very fine line and put myself in many compromising situations. I was emotionally suppressed and often not as in control of the situation as I should have been. In many ways, I probably was not likable to many people – but very desirable to many of the wrong people, for the wrong reasons. I didn’t take life (or myself) too seriously. Ultimately, I was disrespecting myself.

It’s made me wonder – was I right, or was I wrong? I’m naturally a social being. I love to dance, and to dress up, and to meet new people. I’m also (like many people) insecure and in need of acceptance. I like attention. I don’t think it was wrong for me to embrace being a party girl to an extent, but I think I partially did it for the wrong reasons. It sprouted out of a need for belonging and popularity more than I would ever have admitted back then.

I was very self-conscious and did not have many friends in high school – being the smart, focused, good girl didn’t do me many favors. My home life was not stable and I sought solace by escaping with frivolity and fun as soon as I had the opportunity. Looking back on those days and (hazily) remembering some of those nights, it’s really a miracle I didn’t get in over my head. I owe staying above the worst of it to a few really good friends watching out for me, and of course the remnants of a strong upbringing, knowing what is right and wrong.

I still love to party, and I have had sooo many fun nights and crazy memories – as every young person should. I’ve met interesting people and learned so much about myself in the meantime.  In more recent years, I’ve just done it more responsibly, and tried to stay above the fray. At the same time, it’s become less important to me. It’s actually way more fun when it’s not a lifestyle, but a treat!

It’s just amusing to look back and see that I realized what I was doing and getting into all along… but I did it anyway. I guess it was my way of living dangerously and rebelling, even though I denied it till I was blue in the face and just assumed critics were jealous. And here I am now…married, boring, and getting significantly more sleep… Bad Kitty, retired… at least somewhat 😉

Hi kittens!

Yesterday was Chuck’s and my big Date Day (hmm, why does Date Night sound so much better?) We started out with massages at Mayfaire, but then I surprised him with tickets to the “Heart of Downtown” walking tour of Wilmington’s best restaurants, with Culinary Adventures.

One of the last times we were in Wilmington together, Chuck ran up to a tour and got the lady’s card. He kept talking about how we needed to go, but we never followed up and it didn’t actually happen. So, I stole the card off his nightstand and booked it myself. (I tend to be the one who takes a little more initiative on these things 😉 Plus, Chuck is not easy to “shop” for – it’s difficult to find things he’s excited about that I can actually get for him. This was perfect!)

So, despite walking around in the heat, we had a great time learning about the area restaurants, getting little tidbits of Wilmington history, and tasting delicious noms ranging from gourmet French, to low country Southern, to all-American breakfast, to cupcakes (yay!), to a variety of fine wines. We met chefs and even got a few cooking tips.

At first I was worried the tour would include a lot of the restaurants we’d already been to (which wouldn’t have been awful – they’re all great!), but luckily we visited quite a few I’d never even heard of. We actually started at a very nondescript-looking deli on a corner, which turned out to be one of my favorite stops. Each sandwich is inspired from a different port city (like Wilmington) from around the world, which I thought was a very fun concept and made for some unique and tasty sandwiches.

Anyway, for foodies like us, it was a perfect thing to do together, and something a little different. We got home and Chuck whipped up some homemade mozzarella sticks – guess he got the culinary bug for real now…!

Otherwise, the rest of the weekend has just been really rainy – so we’ve been watching the Lord of the Rings trilogy. Chuck is appalled that I’ve never seen it. I’m actually surprised by how much I like it…I’m not much of a fantasy person typically 🙂

(Taken with Instagram)

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Le Tired

I have gotten so spoiled with part-time work! Here I am working my second full-time week in ages and I’m stressed and POOPED!! I rather enjoyed my 9-2 and 1-5 shifts with Mondays off. 😛 Of course, it’s been a lot of cold-calling and busy work lately for a high-strung boss, but still…

At least I’m making more money. But I miss my cat and hate leaving her alone all day (wonder what this means for my future motherhood prospects?!) I also miss cooking and keeping my house clean (yes, that just came out of my mouth…ugh.) Oh, and having time to shop or run errands after work!

Anyway, off to bed. Have to be at work by 7 am tomorrow… time for the big kick-off my boss has been stressing about for weeks. I’m actually a little excited to see what the big fuss is about. 🙂

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Financial Planning, Like a Boss

It’s time to give our financial plan a revamp sesh, because after paying for the bulk of our wedding, honeymoon, furniture, finishing off loans, etc, we – well… didn’t have really have one. Instead, we took a rather “laissez-faire” approach to spending and saving, which hasn’t particularly done us any favors.

So, I wrote out a little fact/observations sheet in order to guide our new plan. I even printed it out on nice paper (along with our red and green budget!) so Chuck and I can both have a copy – like a contract! Mild disagreement on hard numbers aside, we seem to be in agreement that:

1) Our records to date demonstrate that the laissez-faire approach has led to a static (and even shrinking) checking account and no real savings account or 401(k). Plus, I haven’t been able to contribute much to my IRA since I became virtually unemployed…

2) As it turns out, living really isn’t all that cheap here in cozy coastal NC.   We are paying more in rent than either of us ever has (almost) combined, on one relatively modest salary (USMC keeps us humble!)   Our bills are comparable, if not more, to what we’ve ever paid because we live in a 3 bedroom house. I’m not sure the cost of electricity varies much from place to place anyway.  Gas may be slightly cheaper down here, but we are both driving many more miles every day…

3) The future is looming, and unfortunately, “adult” life means preparing for it. In the next few years, I anticipate a significant probability for two new cars (that’s inevitable), a Master’s degree (I imagine I’ll eventually need or really want one), and babies (bleh.) The fact is that we are really poorly prepared for any of those things, especially if we get unlucky and cars/babies happen before we plan them. Plus, I really do want to travel some before we become parents!

4) Experts say that we should have enough saved up so that if we were to miss a month’s pay, we won’t be screwed. We are definitely out of that hole (yay!), but not by much.   If we ever encounter a true emergency or unpredicted needs (knock on hardcore wood), we are screwed!

5) We are only ever guaranteed one income – Chuck’s. Until further notice, we can never count on me making significant money, so we have to plan for just one paycheck to work with.

Ultimately, I came to the realization that humans are naturally inclined to spend whatever is in their piggy bank. Thus, we need to control what’s in that piggy bank to keep us from needlessly overspending, keeping handy only what we need by minimizing what’s in our proverbial wallet. I’m affectionately calling it the “Living paycheck to paycheck by choice approach.”

I worked up our monthly expenses and came up with a number. Now, we are just trying to decide if the better approach is to cap our checking account at a number around that total and save the rest, or if we should settle on a safe but aggressive number to set aside every month and let the checking account fluctuate from there.

In the meantime, we’re trying to curb our entertainment spending by just using my money, which is pretty much what I’ve been doing already. It’s the perfect amount to cover dinners, movies, and other miscellaneous fluff (technical term) that we may want. I’m also paying for our trip to Savannah with that. Of course, I lose my temp job at the end of September, so depending on how things go, that could change drastically one way or the other! Blah.

Anyways… I just want to save super aggressively – almost over aggressively – till we reach our goal, so we have a reasonable cushion. Then we can relax the approach to a more typical savings rate. Even though the number we agreed to save was less than I originally budgeted, I’m hoping to reach our goal by early next spring!

We should have time to catch up once Chuck deploys, too. More pay + fewer expenses (funny how much cheaper my grocery bill is with him gone!!) = more to save. I can also cut out useless bills like Xbox and HBO when he’s gone 😉 We’ll also have one less cell phone to pay for and one less car to keep pumped! And, one can still hope for a nice tax refund in April…

Anyhoo. I needed to ramble that through. Guess we will see how it goes! I think we can totally do it 🙂

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Anniversary Trip, Booked!

After a long week of cold-calling potential investors at work, eating like crap, and being overall crabby, I decided I needed to get on the whole book-something-to-look-forward-to thing. Plus, after a whirlwind summer of visitors, weddings, and trips home, Chuck and I have become rather homebody-ish in the past few weeks.

So, I booked our anniversary trip to Savannah for October 6th and 7th at the beautiful, historic, French Renaissance-inspired Olde Savannah Inn, right in the Historic District by Forsyth Park. Our package includes a $100 gift certificate to the renowned Olde Pink House Restaurant, two tickets for the Old Town Trolley to tour the town, and a moonlight carriage ride for two. It’s not Napa or Europe (we’ve got many anniversaries ahead for that, right?), but I am sooo excited. I’ve never been to Savannah! It looks so intimate and quaint.

I also booked a “surprise” date for Chuck and I next weekend. I’d say what it is, but with my luck, it’ll be the one time he actually reads my blog. He’s pretty smart though, so he’s probably already figured it out anyway. Regardless, I’m looking forward to doing something different together around here. 🙂

Today we are thinking of going to the Sneads Ferry Shrimp Festival, but it’s so muggy and gross out. Two storms have already passed through. I really do feel the need to do something though. I think we’re going to shave the cat instead!

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“Over-Educated and Struggling”

More experienced (older) workers are taking the jobs traditionally held by graduates, yet we are overqualified (and thus underpaid) for everything else. All the while we are saddled with increasing debt/expenses, and shrinking opportunities…

I am in a unique situation of course, but this article is crazy depressing and makes me wonder more than ever what route I should take (especially in terms of going back to school.)

Sorry for the downer, but it is an interesting article and covers a multitude of angles 🙂

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What Bugs Me About Christians

I was born and raised a (relatively) fundamentalist Christian – from the Earth was created in 7 days and anyone who thinks otherwise can’t possibly believe in God, to homosexuality is an abomination against God, to Hell is a real place and most of the people in this world are probably going to end up there.

I’m still a fundamentalist Christian, but only when it comes down to what Christianity actually means: what would Jesus do? If it’s not in the 10 Commandments, or if the words aren’t in red print (Jesus’s actual words), I take the dogma of the Bible with a small grain of salt, acknowledging that it is very much a cultural document subject to the changes and fluctuations of history, science, socio-economy, and lingual interpretation. I also know that it was assembled and distributed by men (NOT God), with deliberate omissions and heavy editing. It has great things to say – it also leaves plenty of room for questions.

I don’t pretend to know the answers to the issues I listed above, or judge anyone for their varying perspectives (maybe homosexuality is the crown jewel of sin, and maybe the earth was created in seven 24-hour days – who really knows these things), but I also think it’s decidedly un-Christian to make a huge fuss about these details, alienating those lives we should be trying to touch.

At the same time, I appreciate that religious leaders take a moral stand for what they believe in, regardless of its popularity at the time, and I uphold the right to express that belief without fear. That is everyone’s right and even their responsibility, as a human and leader, to have a moral compass and be allowed to talk about it.

What really IRKS me, however, are the issues that Christians today have decided to make front and center in the national debate. Re: the Chick-fil-A debacle. I’ve never understood why homosexuality – which gets no reference in the 10 Commandments or in Jesus’s red print – has become such a hot button issue for us.

There are a small handful of verses in the Bible that actually address it (even fewer that address it directly), and they’re usually veiled within a story’s context, listed in a chapter that even the most conservative Christians acknowledge is no longer relevant, or buried among a variety of other abominations that get minimal mention in today’s socio-political arena.

For example, fornication: I’m wondering how many of the people who waited in line at Chick-fil-A this past Wednesday protesting gay rights waited til marriage to experience their first sexual encounter. Or how many failed to gossip about their neighbor, their boss, or their crazy great-aunt. I’ll admit I want something I don’t have almost every day (who doesn’t?) Gluttony is an issue in America overall, and most of us get drunk fairly regularly too. Of course, no one ever really focuses on these parts of the same Bible verse, because – well – at least we’re not gay!

I’ve had a few thoughts about the Chick-fil-A incident in particular, but I’ve been too afraid to share on Facebook or in conversation (because everyone’s so harsh.) No one really reads my Tumblr though – and if they do, they either don’t know me at all, or know me well enough to venture into my forum of honest expression without being threatened by it. I think many people can’t handle a Bad Kitty that isn’t fluffy 🙂

Anyway:

1) First, I wondered why Chick-fil-A’s stance has taken so many off guard. The CEO is a conservative Christian man (with many great qualities, I’m sure), who closes for business on Sundays (an actual Commandment that most Christians don’t even follow anymore.) Opposing gay marriage? Um…duh! This surprises you?

2) I know the issue is more complex than this, but I really don’t see how one chicken sandwich guru’s personal opinion is such a huge deal, worthy of all this outrage. I support equal rights for gays, but I also believe in free speech, and his stance is technically no different than even President Obama’s (and many presidents before him), up until recently when he came out in support of gay marriage.

3) I’m annoyed that liberals have allowed this to get so much attention. Now everyone knows this guy’s name, he has become a sensation (a hero to some, a villain to others,) and he has unintentionally encouraged more hateful behavior thanks to all this fuss. More polarization in this country is just what we need right now – geez.

4) What has truly saddened me is the response, from both sides. The liberal side for slamming/bullying this man for expressing his not uncommon beliefs (when asked!), and the conservative side for giving Chick-fil-A the best business in its existence by lining up and allowing horrific hatred and vitriol to occur in the name of Christianity (seriously, read the link – soo much misguided, misdirected, and overall uncalled for hate! And Chick-fil-A employees say both sides are guilty of it.)

This is what intolerance leads to for everyone – hate, hate, and more hate. Everyone should have let well enough alone – which is why I’ve been trying to make light of it. If everyone had kept their cool and just continued to watch the Olympics, this story would have faded out of everyone’s mind and we could move beyond making people feel guilty for eating or not eating a chicken sandwich.

A gay man quoted in a CNN article I read said it best: “Both sides just quite honestly need to grow up and stop acting like 2-year-olds just because somebody said something they didn’t like.”

That’s what I think, too. We are making progress on this issue overall! Like racism and sexism before it, belief systems never truly die, but this is why we have separation of church and state – Constitutional rights WILL prevail, and personal belief systems can be protected right along with them.

We need to quit letting everything get to us in our hypersensitive culture, and Christians need to get back to the basics, because let’s face it – none of us are getting the details right.

So – love our neighbors, love our enemies. Those are Jesus’s basic lessons for us. Focus on being a good person and living life for Jesus (or whoever/whatever you choose with your own free will.) Acknowledge that we don’t KNOW everything, and that’s okay. Don’t take the persecution laying down of course, but quietly, peacefully, lovingly fight it.

We are each taking a gamble on our own destiny based on a million different factors. I’ve personally chosen to achieve eternal life through Christ. Regardless of what he’ll say to homosexuals on Judgement Day, I 100% know the people lining up at Chick-fil-A spewing hatred and judgement won’t get it any easier. In fact, I’m 99.9% sure they will get it worse!

Out of nowhere, laying in bed last night:

Chuck: “So, I’ll make a deal with you.”

Me: “Ok?”

Chuck: “Once we get to $XYZ in our checking account, we can get a kitten.”

Me: *Surprised silence* “You really think a kitten is going to put that much of a dent in our finances?”

Chuck: “Well no, but it gives us some sort of goal and timeline for it.”

I’m not sure how a kitten is connected to that much money, but it’s a start! Chuck has been decidedly anti-cat overall, but I knew all those cute pictures of kittens on his beloved Reddit would eventually break him down and melt that macho little heart 😉

Hooray!!!

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Productive Little Monday

Every now and again I get Monday off from both the Chamber job and the pharmacy job, which allows me to catch up on things/recover from whatever craziness has been going on. I cleaned the house, did laundry, gave the cat a bath, got some administrative crap off my checklist, and even had a healthy breakfast AND lunch (I usually end up missing one of them.)

I wanted to work out too, but the vacuuming, cat-bathing, and bed-making was so physical that now I’m pooped and just don’t feel like it (lame, I know.) I did walk to the mailbox, which is a good 10 minutes round-trip. That counts, right? I might have exaggerated the 10 minutes. But it’s not like it’s at the foot of my driveway 🙂

I still need to make a grocery run, but I’m trying to find excuses out of that too. For instance, one of my car tires is half-flat. I shouldn’t drive anywhere unless absolutely necessary, yeah? Alas, there really isn’t much in the house for dinner, and I committed to making dessert for dinner with friends tomorrow night. Oy. All I really want to do is sprawl out on my couch and read my book.

In other news, today is Chuck’s first day with his new unit. I hope we get more info on what to expect in the next few months soon!!

… Okay okay!! Going to the grocery store now…