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I finished The Great Gatsby last night, and my first reaction was “WTF, that was stupid! What a pointless mess!” But, after thinking about it and absorbing the message some more, I think that’s how I was supposed to feel… and I think I got it!

It was interesting how closely it paralleled some of my own experiences, and the lifestyles I was exposed to in my DC world. I frequented some lavish parties hosted by millionaires and their athlete/supermodel/celebrity friends, in decadent Georgetown and Embassy Row mansions and sparkling yachts.

Someone I know personally matches every character in the book, for better or for worse. I like to think I’m Nick Carraway – a relatively aloof and somewhat bored participant who recognized the emptiness of what we were doing, but participated anyway (albeit from a guarded distance without taking it too seriously, if that makes sense…)

Though I must say, our millionaire hosts weren’t quite as elegantly, mysteriously interesting as Jay Gatsby. There were plenty of rumors of course – but more along the lines of snorting cocaine off 14-carat gold bars just for the heck of it, and bizarre sexual practices with high-end hookers in Cannes or St. Tropez (or DC), and yes, maybe some investment fraud here and there…

But fortunately, no one’s lives were ruined by their extravagance… that I know of. Just reputations maybe… but even those stains disappeared with the relatively anonymous cycle of revelers that go in and out of those kinds of shin digs…

…Can’t wait to see the movie!

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Now I’m Depressed

I just gave notice at my job, that I will be moving away in August. They are having some pretty serious financial difficulties, so I decided to let them know sooner rather than later, so that they can more appropriately make plans (and hopefully save someone else’s position, if it gets to that point.)

But UGH… so sad. I’ve really enjoyed it here, and the people have been so good to me.

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3 Things to Never Say to a Military Wife (Please)

One thing I’ve learned about being a military wife is that people will say all sorts of things with the honest intention of helping me feel better… but somehow it misses the mark. I’ve narrowed it down to the Annoying Top 3:

1) “I could never do it! I’m so impressed you can stay faithful.”

This cheapens my relationship (and yours) to sex. If you truly loved him enough, you could definitely do it. I swear I’m not weird or crazy. 🙂

2) “You knew what you were getting into when you married him.”

There’s got to be a better way to tell me you don’t want to hear me share what I’m going through or about the surprises I encounter… which I thought friendships were for, but whatever, I get the picture.

3) “You’re already at X months? Wow, it’s going by SO quickly!”

This one is particularly awkward for me to hear, and ironically it’s also the most well-intentioned – so I don’t get hard feelings. Seriously though… I’m glad my husband being away/in danger/out of touch has gone quickly for you…but unless I say it first, I wouldn’t go there.

Again, all these things are never meant in a bad way, but having received each in quite a few variations, it just makes me shut up and shuffle away to my corner, feeling stupid. I guess it’s one of those things that people don’t quite “get” unless they’re going through it.

And it’s something I should remember too, when friends share with me. We all experience our own little battles, that’s for sure.

This is me with two of the few reasons I attended my high school reunion over the weekend. Rachel is on the left. She is an accomplished pianist who now teaches and specializes in the Taubman method. She has become a master of homeopathic healing methods. Meredith lives in Boston and is earning her PhD in geophysics at Harvard. She is learning to play the fiddle.

Neither of us were in love with our high school experience, so we bonded over being overall misfits in an elitist school that was the inspiration for the now infamous Mean Girls film. Going back was a combination of curiosity, closure, and of course, reuniting with those who made the experience better.

However, it must be said that the reunion with the rest of the class went pretty well, too. Any event like that will have its awkward moments, but everyone was nice, and hearing what the girls have been up to was inspiring… and humbling. Now that I live in a place where it’s a surprise to learn someone has a college education at all, hearing about all the “Oxford”, “PhD”, “Princeton”, “start-ups”, and other miscellaneous accomplishments made me wish I’ve done more with my education and expanded my credentials… until I plummeted back to reality with the realization that my dad is not the CEO of Motorola, and my mom is not the President of the ABC News Washington Bureau… yay for being the financial aid kid… 🙂

Anyway, the weekend overall was a mind-boggling whirlwind. All my worlds were squeezed into a 24-hour time frame! I met with college, post-college, and work friends, then did the high school thing, then met with family. It was so good to see everyone…. but my head sure is spinning 🙂

Today marks the beginning of Mental Health Awareness month. Today also marks the beginning of my mother’s homelessness.

According to the Mental Illness Policy Organization, people with untreated psychiatric illnesses comprise one-third of the homeless population. My mom suffers from Paranoid Personality Disorder and Delusional Disorder, and she has no insight into her condition and thus refuses treatment. It’s been more destructive to her and to our family than any kind of cancer.

Take some time to learn something this month as we continue to find hope for those who struggle with this every day of their lives.

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Life These Days (In a Nutshell)

– Work is so busy! But in a good way. We have the Elected Officials BBQ coming up, two BizMixes, a bunch of Ribbon Cuttings, and the Safety Awards with the Department of Labor. I am thankful every day I have a job here where I feel useful and valued.

– Monday was Month 3 of deployment! I must say – my days go quickly, but the time on the calendar is dragging rather slowly. It feels like it’s been way longer than three months. In some ways, this deployment is easier than the first. In other ways, it’s harder.

– I’m heading home to DC this weekend, partially for my high school reunion, but also to see my girl friends, since my trips home are generally stretched too thin to see much of them! Should be fun (though I’m still a little nervous about the reunion! And whatever will I wear?!)

– I’m officially moving out of my house June 1, since our realtor is an idiot and screwed up our lease terms. It’s a huge/expensive pain in the tushy, but I’m grateful I found someone willing to rent me their house for 3 months…before we pack up and move yet again for GA!

– My search for cruelty-free beauty/hygiene products continues! As it turns out, all lists out there are kind of… inconsistent. It seems that brands are opening their markets to include China, which requires animal testing on everything. So rather than lose the Chinese market, companies are reversing their position on animal testing. HOWEVER, the EU just passed legislation forbidding cosmetic animal testing going forward, regardless of where the testing was done.. so it will be interesting to see how the companies adjust. I guess I need to decide how serious to get about this. Le sigh!

– I went to the doctor yesterday for my annual physical and am happy to report a clean bill of health! I did receive my 10-year tetanus/ whooping cough booster, however… and my arm still aches. Aren’t those diseases obsolete yet?!

– Finally, I need a good book to get hooked on, as I am relying far more than usual on TV to entertain me on lonely nights. Actively taking suggestions!

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Rant of the Day

So, the below poem has gone viral among military wives (feel free to scan right through – it’s kind of long/bad):

A Military Wife

Lots of moving…Moving…Moving…Moving far from home…
Moving two cars, three kids and one dog…all riding with HER of course.
Moving sofas to basements because they won’t go in THIS house; Moving curtains that won’t fit; Moving jobs and certifications and professional development hours. Moving away from friends; Moving toward new friends; Moving her most important luggage: her trunk full of memories.

Often waiting…Waiting…Waiting…Waiting for housing. Waiting for orders. Waiting for deployments. Waiting for phone calls. Waiting for reunions. Waiting for the new curtains to arrive. Waiting for him to come home, For dinner…AGAIN!

They call her ‘Military Dependent’, but she knows better: She is fiercely In-Dependent.

She can balance a check book; Handle the yard work; Fix a noisy toilet;
Bury the family pet… She is intimately familiar with drywall anchors and toggle bolts. She can file the taxes; Sell a house; Buy a car; Or set up a move… …..all with ONE Power of Attorney.

She welcomes neighbors that don’t welcome her. She reinvents her career with every PCS; Locates a house in the desert, The Arctic, Or the deep south. And learns to call them all ‘home’. She MAKES them all home.

Military Wives are somewhat hasty…They leap into: Decorating, Leadership, Volunteering, Career alternatives, Churches, And friendships. They don’t have 15 years to get to know people. Their roots are short but flexible. They plant annuals for themselves and perennials for those who come after them.

Military Wives quickly learn to value each other: They connect over coffee, Rely on the spouse network, Accept offers of friendship and favors. Record addresses in pencil…

Military Wives have a common bond: The Military Wife has a husband unlike other husbands; his commitment is unique. He doesn’t have a ‘JOB’ He has a ‘MISSION’ that he can’t just decide to quit… He’s on-call for his country 24/7. But for her, he’s the most unreliable guy in town!
His language is foreign: TDY PCS OPR SOS ACC BDU ACU BAR TAD
And so, a Military Wife is a translator for her family and his. She is the long- distance link to keep them informed; the glue that holds them together.

A Military Wife has her moments: She wants to wring his neck; Dye his uniform pink; Refuse to move to Siberia; But she pulls herself together.
Give her a few days, A travel brochure, A long hot bath, A pledge to the flag, A wedding picture, And she goes. She packs. She moves. She follows.

Why? What for? How come? You may think it is because she has lost her mind. But actually it is because she has lost her heart. It was stolen from her by a man, Who puts duty first, Who longs to deploy, Who salutes the flag, And whose boots in the doorway remind her that as long as he is her Military Husband, She will remain his military wife. And would have it no other way

—Author Unknown

Ok, so while there is some truth to it, this is generally the kind of crap that irks me to no end with the military wife movement. I get that it’s meant to be empowering, but I feel like it’s exactly the opposite – mostly because it feels like some sort of delusion, and really just makes us look more ridiculous.

1) You can balance a checkbook? Pay your taxes? Buy a car? On your own?! Holy crap, GOOD FOR YOU. Seriously though, every woman should know how to do those things, whether you’re married or not. The fact that you can (because your husband’s gone and you have to, apparently) does not make you special or more independent than other women. It just makes you a normal and basically responsible adult.

2) Yes, we move a lot. Yes, we drop things at a moment’s notice to accommodate for our husband’s careers. We wait. All the time. This does not make me feel strong or independent in the slightest. It doesn’t matter how you package it to make yourself feel better – being a military wife is generally a submissive role. I’m not strong because I follow my husband everywhere and live for almost a year at a time without him. I gave up control and accepted a life of relative uncertainty and loneliness to be with him. That’s because of my love for him – not my strength and independence (and we all know love is the greatest force of all – so I am not faulting that.) I know this is important to him. Therefore, it matters to me.

3) On a related note, even the term “military wife” denotes dependency and loss of control. Honestly, the nomer has made me feel a little stripped of my dignity and value as an individual, at times. I will never forget when I first stepped foot into the DEERS office on base to update my IDs, insurance, etc. I don’t know why Chuck bothered to bring me along. I was a number. And not even my own number! My husband’s number. They didn’t ask me questions about my date of birth, my contact information, my health history. They completely ignored me and asked Chuck. As if I was a deaf-mute or something. I promise I’m not difficult to offend, but I truly felt like a dependent little mouse of a human being that day (nothing against mice, of course – they’re cute.)

4) On another related note, the way I am treated as a military wife (to include by some Marines themselves) can be humiliating. As with many groups, there are plenty of stereotypes associated with military wives, so it can take a hefty dose of effort to get one of Chuck’s colleagues to address or even acknowledge me as an equal sometimes. I can’t fully blame them (since those stereotypes are present for a reason), but I am always greeted with surprise when they find out I’m an intelligent and capable human being. Otherwise, in general – I’m just “the wife.” I’ll pop out babies at some point and be the emotional parasite in “flops” back at home.

5) To add to the irony of the situation, when I do accomplish something “independent”  (i.e., getting my own job, not showing up to every little event because I have my own stuff to do, not getting pregnant right away, etc) I actually receive judgement and exclusion from some of the very women who are supposed to be supporting me in this endeavor of “strength.” Seriously… can’t win!

Anyways, I don’t mean to be overly critical or under-appreciative. I was raised in the military, and I respect my husband to no end. I love many things about military life and there is plenty of value in it, even as a dependent. There are definitely areas where we are strong – but the truth of the matter is that it’s because we really have no choice. We are very dependent. Sure (some of us)  make the most of it, but it’s not because it’s what we want for ourselves or for our families, necessarily.

The job has to be done, so someone has to be willing to do it. It’s sacrifice. It’s giving things up. That could definitely be qualified as strong, but when to comes to the idea of being strong as a woman or an individual – the sugarcoating just doesn’t do much for me.

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Gray, damp, bored, and lonely today. But not the kind of lonely where I actually want to go out and socialize or talk to anyone – I’ve had plenty of that this week! It must be more of the I-miss-my-husband kind of lonely. I wish he was here! How has it only been 2 months…?!

Anyway. I think I’m going to clean, work out, get cozy, and then order a big old pizza and watch the Big Bang Theory marathon on TBS. I’ll be a normal person again tomorrow 🙂

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Life is Beautiful

I found out this week that a girl I know was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis (MS) at 28 years young. She is more than a mere acquaintance, but not quite a close friend. Aside from my mother’s mental illness, this is the closest I’ve been to anyone receiving devastating news about one’s health.  I hear of things – but they never (thankfully) hit close to home…

It puts life into rather harsh perspective. I remind myself to thank God for a healthy body and a healthy mind – every single day. Neither is guarenteed, and not everyone is so blessed to have both. You can lose either literally overnight.

This girl is an inspiration with the way she is dealing with her diagnosis. There is no cure for MS, and she knows she has a long road ahead, but her spirits remain high and she’s focusing on the positives. It makes me feel so bad for all the complaining I do. Because life is pretty wonderful – and even she knows it.