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Rant of the Day

So, the below poem has gone viral among military wives (feel free to scan right through – it’s kind of long/bad):

A Military Wife

Lots of moving…Moving…Moving…Moving far from home…
Moving two cars, three kids and one dog…all riding with HER of course.
Moving sofas to basements because they won’t go in THIS house; Moving curtains that won’t fit; Moving jobs and certifications and professional development hours. Moving away from friends; Moving toward new friends; Moving her most important luggage: her trunk full of memories.

Often waiting…Waiting…Waiting…Waiting for housing. Waiting for orders. Waiting for deployments. Waiting for phone calls. Waiting for reunions. Waiting for the new curtains to arrive. Waiting for him to come home, For dinner…AGAIN!

They call her ‘Military Dependent’, but she knows better: She is fiercely In-Dependent.

She can balance a check book; Handle the yard work; Fix a noisy toilet;
Bury the family pet… She is intimately familiar with drywall anchors and toggle bolts. She can file the taxes; Sell a house; Buy a car; Or set up a move… …..all with ONE Power of Attorney.

She welcomes neighbors that don’t welcome her. She reinvents her career with every PCS; Locates a house in the desert, The Arctic, Or the deep south. And learns to call them all ‘home’. She MAKES them all home.

Military Wives are somewhat hasty…They leap into: Decorating, Leadership, Volunteering, Career alternatives, Churches, And friendships. They don’t have 15 years to get to know people. Their roots are short but flexible. They plant annuals for themselves and perennials for those who come after them.

Military Wives quickly learn to value each other: They connect over coffee, Rely on the spouse network, Accept offers of friendship and favors. Record addresses in pencil…

Military Wives have a common bond: The Military Wife has a husband unlike other husbands; his commitment is unique. He doesn’t have a ‘JOB’ He has a ‘MISSION’ that he can’t just decide to quit… He’s on-call for his country 24/7. But for her, he’s the most unreliable guy in town!
His language is foreign: TDY PCS OPR SOS ACC BDU ACU BAR TAD
And so, a Military Wife is a translator for her family and his. She is the long- distance link to keep them informed; the glue that holds them together.

A Military Wife has her moments: She wants to wring his neck; Dye his uniform pink; Refuse to move to Siberia; But she pulls herself together.
Give her a few days, A travel brochure, A long hot bath, A pledge to the flag, A wedding picture, And she goes. She packs. She moves. She follows.

Why? What for? How come? You may think it is because she has lost her mind. But actually it is because she has lost her heart. It was stolen from her by a man, Who puts duty first, Who longs to deploy, Who salutes the flag, And whose boots in the doorway remind her that as long as he is her Military Husband, She will remain his military wife. And would have it no other way

—Author Unknown

Ok, so while there is some truth to it, this is generally the kind of crap that irks me to no end with the military wife movement. I get that it’s meant to be empowering, but I feel like it’s exactly the opposite – mostly because it feels like some sort of delusion, and really just makes us look more ridiculous.

1) You can balance a checkbook? Pay your taxes? Buy a car? On your own?! Holy crap, GOOD FOR YOU. Seriously though, every woman should know how to do those things, whether you’re married or not. The fact that you can (because your husband’s gone and you have to, apparently) does not make you special or more independent than other women. It just makes you a normal and basically responsible adult.

2) Yes, we move a lot. Yes, we drop things at a moment’s notice to accommodate for our husband’s careers. We wait. All the time. This does not make me feel strong or independent in the slightest. It doesn’t matter how you package it to make yourself feel better – being a military wife is generally a submissive role. I’m not strong because I follow my husband everywhere and live for almost a year at a time without him. I gave up control and accepted a life of relative uncertainty and loneliness to be with him. That’s because of my love for him – not my strength and independence (and we all know love is the greatest force of all – so I am not faulting that.) I know this is important to him. Therefore, it matters to me.

3) On a related note, even the term “military wife” denotes dependency and loss of control. Honestly, the nomer has made me feel a little stripped of my dignity and value as an individual, at times. I will never forget when I first stepped foot into the DEERS office on base to update my IDs, insurance, etc. I don’t know why Chuck bothered to bring me along. I was a number. And not even my own number! My husband’s number. They didn’t ask me questions about my date of birth, my contact information, my health history. They completely ignored me and asked Chuck. As if I was a deaf-mute or something. I promise I’m not difficult to offend, but I truly felt like a dependent little mouse of a human being that day (nothing against mice, of course – they’re cute.)

4) On another related note, the way I am treated as a military wife (to include by some Marines themselves) can be humiliating. As with many groups, there are plenty of stereotypes associated with military wives, so it can take a hefty dose of effort to get one of Chuck’s colleagues to address or even acknowledge me as an equal sometimes. I can’t fully blame them (since those stereotypes are present for a reason), but I am always greeted with surprise when they find out I’m an intelligent and capable human being. Otherwise, in general – I’m just “the wife.” I’ll pop out babies at some point and be the emotional parasite in “flops” back at home.

5) To add to the irony of the situation, when I do accomplish something “independent”  (i.e., getting my own job, not showing up to every little event because I have my own stuff to do, not getting pregnant right away, etc) I actually receive judgement and exclusion from some of the very women who are supposed to be supporting me in this endeavor of “strength.” Seriously… can’t win!

Anyways, I don’t mean to be overly critical or under-appreciative. I was raised in the military, and I respect my husband to no end. I love many things about military life and there is plenty of value in it, even as a dependent. There are definitely areas where we are strong – but the truth of the matter is that it’s because we really have no choice. We are very dependent. Sure (some of us)  make the most of it, but it’s not because it’s what we want for ourselves or for our families, necessarily.

The job has to be done, so someone has to be willing to do it. It’s sacrifice. It’s giving things up. That could definitely be qualified as strong, but when to comes to the idea of being strong as a woman or an individual – the sugarcoating just doesn’t do much for me.

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Gray, damp, bored, and lonely today. But not the kind of lonely where I actually want to go out and socialize or talk to anyone – I’ve had plenty of that this week! It must be more of the I-miss-my-husband kind of lonely. I wish he was here! How has it only been 2 months…?!

Anyway. I think I’m going to clean, work out, get cozy, and then order a big old pizza and watch the Big Bang Theory marathon on TBS. I’ll be a normal person again tomorrow 🙂

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Life is Beautiful

I found out this week that a girl I know was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis (MS) at 28 years young. She is more than a mere acquaintance, but not quite a close friend. Aside from my mother’s mental illness, this is the closest I’ve been to anyone receiving devastating news about one’s health.  I hear of things – but they never (thankfully) hit close to home…

It puts life into rather harsh perspective. I remind myself to thank God for a healthy body and a healthy mind – every single day. Neither is guarenteed, and not everyone is so blessed to have both. You can lose either literally overnight.

This girl is an inspiration with the way she is dealing with her diagnosis. There is no cure for MS, and she knows she has a long road ahead, but her spirits remain high and she’s focusing on the positives. It makes me feel so bad for all the complaining I do. Because life is pretty wonderful – and even she knows it.

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Yesterday I served as a judge for some local entrepreneurship awards, which was led by a relatively prominent member of the community. I’ve been mingling with those types quite a bit lately, and I can’t help but wonder sometimes how they got to where they’re at. I’m sure they must be smart and accomplished, but their speaking/leadership skills leave me baffled. I’m not one to self-promote, but it’s kind of sad that I was one of the most articulate and thoughtfully confident participants in the session…especially since I was also among the youngest.

Makes me feel like I could take over the world though, if I really wanted to!

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It’s the Small Things

I just want to take a moment to rejoice at the condition of my hair and my eyelashes these days. For years, both were in such bad shape, mostly due to over-processing and the abuse of clip-in extensions and falsies during my Bad Kitty days. Those were a ton of fun, but they really did take such a toll, especially after crashing with them still in… no bueno. Literally, my hair was clean ripped off in some places (I just played them off as choppy layers…)

Anyway, I took a break on the extensions. Wore false lashes less frequently. Of course, going out on the town less certainly helped with these efforts. I also started using Agadir Argan Oil spray on my hair (basically Moroccan oil) and swiped lotion on my lashes at night before bed (weird, I know.) But it has made SUCH a difference! Even other people have been complimenting the condition of my hair, compared to the old days. I’m at a point where I can say I’m happy with both my lashes and my hair – longer, fuller, notably healthier… and I still get to highlight 🙂

Lately, I don’t even feel the need for extensions or falsies (except maybe for a truly special occasion that involves lots of pictures.) I recently purchased Revitalash (basically non-prescription Latisse) to encourage lash growth, and it seems to be helping as well.

I sound so high maintenance haha… but my hair has always been so fine and scrawny, it’s nice to have some life in it!!

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Christians & DOMA

I never understand how the Religious Right feels they can just legislate what comes down to FREE WILL. Christians like to overlook the free will aspect of things, and just restrict, restrict, restrict.

But if they’re gonna legislate personal behaviors, may as well start advocating for Constitutional amendments banning fast food and the like, to restrict gluttony. And premarital sex too.

… Oh wait, they won’t… because they’ve all done it!!

For the sake of argument, let’s just say it’s true that homosexuality is an abomination. I am a Christian, but I’m also an American. There is some overlap, sure… but their mission statements, in some ways, are completely opposite and they are different roles. My religion is personal. I’m accountable for myself. My role as a patriot and a citizen is a responsibility. A responsibility to protect those not within my own umbrella of beliefs.

We are not a theocracy!

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So weary…

It has been such a crazy week. First, my dad came over the weekend and was sick/miserable the whole time with what ended up being strep throat. Then Chuck’s mom called Sunday night and said they were heading down to visit Monday-Thursday. I have two events after work Wednesday/Thursday, then another friend coming into town Friday night, for the weekend. I also am hosting a wives’ event on Saturday afternoon.

Work has been insane too, because the Wilmington “metropolitan statistical area” lost Brunswick County in the last census… so all hell has broken loose. The work in to figuring out why has largely fallen on my shoulders – so suddenly, I’m an economics/urban planning subject matter expert!

I’m exaggerating slightly, but it is definitely hijacking my days, so my regular work isn’t getting done quite as efficiently as I’d like. At least I am learning a lot…and getting some exposure to higher-ups in the process.

Somewhere thrown in there, I also need to write a letter to officials in Colorado about my mom’s legal/mental health situation, and get it in the mail before her court date… which is rapidly approaching. No time, no time, no time! (I guess maybe I should have done that instead of writing this blog entry? Lol!)

Anyways. Stretched thin much?? Sunday night should be relaxing 🙂

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On a lighter note…

I think I’m allergic to alcohol. I’ve been drinking since college – and of course I never feel well after excessive imbibing – but lately I’m getting all sorts of reactions to even small amounts of it (I’m talking anything more than 1 glass of wine, or pretty much any amount of liquor.)

The thought first occurred to me at a wedding I attended back in December. I was nasally congested after the reception to the point that my friend asked if I was getting sick. I replied, “No, I just get stuffy when I drink.” She wondered aloud if I was allergic to booze, but I laughed it off. I didn’t drink that much, and I’m always a little stuffy…

As the months passed, I noticed that no matter how little I drank, I dealt with congestion, headaches, and almost on-the-dot stomach irritation. The next day always felt like a post-heavy-drinking kind of hangover, but I hardly ever have more than 2-3 drinks over a six hour period, and it’s usually more like 1-2… Not enough to create those kinds of symptoms.

Then this past weekend, I had a friend in town, so I “went wild” and had a glass of wine at dinner and a half a vodka tonic at the bar. At home, I was stuffy, achey, and my stomach twinged with discomfort. I Googled “alcohol allergy” and saw that nasal congestion is one of the primary symptoms of such allergies. Almost everything else I felt was on the list too. At least I don’t get the hives!

Anyway, it’s not the end of the world, because my truly fun drinking days are mostly over. But I don’t mind having a couple glasses of wine now and then, and maybe even getting a little tipsy. I guess I will just have to choose my battles!

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I am in LOVE with my new fragrant stuff from Bath and Body Works (who would have guessed)! I got two new 3-wick candles (in Garden Freesia and Eucalyptus Mint), matching plug-ins, a room spray, and a car thingie (no idea what it’s called.) Everything smells great, appears to have some longevity, and was a thousand times cheaper than Yankee. 

My house smells great, and anyone who knows me understands how important that is to me 😉 I just may have to go buy some more! One for each room! 

Ok, calming down now…

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I know this is going to sound reallyweird, but do you ever get annoyed with yourself and want to suppress/change your personality? There’s this girl I know who everyone likes hands down, but there’s really not much to her (that she shows, anyway.) She’s “boring”, but so sweet and completely non-controversial, so everyone just automatically thinks what a nice person she is. She has this universal appeal. I know I am fascinated by her and want to be just like her… but I am most definitely not.

Sometimes I wish I’d stay more mysterious and unassuming. Keep more to myself and just be nice to people. Suppress any urge to express or take the lead – stay under the radar. Hold back on sharing so many updates (i.e., Facebook.) Cut back on doing things that attract attention – increase anonymity. Discuss things (and people!) less. Give people less reason to formulate opinions about my life and decisions, by keeping them my business instead of everyone else’s.

Blah, blah, blah.

Sometimes, the more I share, the more exposed I feel. To good things, and to bad things – if that makes any sense. I almost get self-conscious when people know too much about me… as I blog away about it here, ha.

Just a random, silly thought on a boring, windy afternoon!