personal

I think the military has made Chuck a better person. He is so strong, and confident, and successful. On the other hand, I think the military experience has made me a worse person, for myself and for him.

“Worse” isn’t quite the right word, but maybe you know what I mean? Less comfortable with myself. Less whole. More frustrated and lost, clingy and dependent. Something like that.

This has nothing to do with Chuck himself, of course – it’s just the reality of military life. That’s my negative moment for the (hopefully) forseeable future! It will pass… They always do.

If you were to ask me who my childhood heroes were, it would be WW2-era Resistance fighters – the everyday Joe Schmoe’s who harbored Jews during the Holocaust.

I watched this blast-from-the-past Danish resistance move last night with Chuck, and it all came back to me how amazing and brave those people were. In a time of such great evil, there was so much incredible goodness and selflessness. I ate it all up when I was younger – reading every book, watching every movie, signing up for every class…

I always wonder if I would have been as brave in those situations, and of course I will probably (hopefully) never know, here in my cushy 21st century American life. But they will always inspire me, and if I ever face such adverse circumstances, I can only hope I would do the right thing.

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FITNESS Over FOOD…. HOOAH!

I love how the Commissaries are closed, but the Fitness Centers are open. You can stay fit during this shutdown, but you’re SOL if you need milk! Seriously though, it is pretty funny. I DO need milk, which I can’t get, but I surely can still hit up the gym!

Anyways! I actually went to “Butt & Guts” on Monday, which is about to be cancelled due to low participation. At first, I didn’t mind that fact – the class was pretty blah and I didn’t feel like anything was really all that intense. I could keep up with all the seasoned class buffs just fine…. But boy was I wrong!! My DEEP core is so sore, even two days later!! I’m really impressed, because ab exercises never make me sore. I actually wonder if secretly I’m doing them all wrong…but Monday, I must have done something right, even if I didn’t feel it at the time.

The class used a lot of “extras”, like weights, balls, body bars (?), etc., so it wouldn’t be super easy to replicate the workout at home (if I could even remember it – it was that boring.) But, it’s nice to know I can feel the pain in my abs after all. Maybe a different class will incorporate some of those moves? I’ll have to keep exploring the options!

I must say, however… yoga is still my fave…

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Heaven or Hell?

There appears to be some controversy over whether or not the Pope said atheists can still go to Heaven after they die. My guess is that he made some merciful and constructive statement about atheists that got twisted into something entirely different… but regardless, it hits upon one of my biggest unsettled doubts about my faith: Heaven and Hell.

I can grasp that those who choose not to believe a certain creed will not reap the benefits and promises of that creed. For instance, an atheist can’t expect to get into the Heaven as described in the Bible. He can’t expect to achieve nirvana/Paradise/what have you without accepting what the creed has to say. That just wouldn’t make sense. What’s the point, if everyone can get in (especially without faith?)

What I cannot grasp, however, is that those who choose not to accept a certain creed (perhaps in favor of another) will go to Hell. In fact, it’s really, really hard for me to grasp Hell at all.

There are many ways Christianity has been interpreted over the years, but the biggest message I get from it is a loving, merciful God who views us as His (imperfect) children and wants us to succeed in achieving everlasting life. As for humanity, in many ways I am very cynical about it, but I also feel that very few people are truly evil. And those very few evil people are the ones who “deserve” Hell.

As for the rest of us in between…? I just can’t accept it!

I can’t accept that the majority of my friends, family, respected colleagues – who are not atheists, but are not “born again” Christians either – are going to Hell. I am blessed to know so many wonderful, overall good people (we are all flawed), but I can’t accept that my God would send them to Hell.

I know what the Bible says on the issue. I know the countless ways it has been interpreted. I know there is no one alive on Earth who can tell us what it all really means. I know that most people in the world have faith in something, just in different forms. We are all doing the best we can with what we’ve got, and reacting to what Life teaches us. In some ways all of our stories are the same, and in others, they are drastically different.

But it’s one of those confusing, complicated, and depressing subjects that I probably will never figure out. I like to think that perhaps “accepting Jesus” is living a Christ-like life. Many world views teach a very similar message to Christ’s, and I think most “Heaven-deserving” people are trying to lead that good life, at least as much as Christians are (if not more so, in quite a few cases.)

I don’t want to be one of those Christians who misses the entire point of my faith to mesh with my own wishful thinking, but I am also far too humanistic to believe it’s quite that cut and dry…  Are so few of us really getting in? Or, are so many of us really getting in just because we “believe” in Jesus?

Is it okay to just say “I don’t know?”

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It’s been a less than stellar day…

… So I just cancelled the healthy dinner I had planned in favor of my fave Kraft Mac n’ Cheese w/ hotdogs.

I slept fitfully all night, locked myself out of the house this morning, missed my yoga class, dealt with a busy commissary full of particularly irritating people, and didn’t get anything else on my productive to-do list done because I felt too unwell (thanks to certain feminine ailments that I will spare you the details of here.)

Here’s to a better day tomorrow. Bring it on, Yellow 5!

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So what have I been up to…?

I have been in Georgia for exactly 3 weeks now. Honestly, that move from NC feels like a million years ago already. Does that mean time is flying, or dragging? I get confused.

Anyway, boredom/insanity has not hit yet, which is such a relief. Somehow I manage to keep busy with random things every day.

The not-so-random things I’m finding to do are giving me structure and something to look forward to! Primarily, I am learning French and loving it. I’m using both Rosetta Stone and a program called Duolingo, which everyone should check out if you are at all interested in learning a language. It’s fun, efficient, and FREE. I take my lessons right on my iPad. I’m curious to see how advanced it gets, but so far, I’d say it’s moving a little quicker than RS, yet is somehow equally as thorough.

As for RS itself, I’ll have to see how it plays out. Since I already have a base in French (I took it for 3 years in high school), I’m not sure what I will think of it once I’m truly learning new material. It’s great, but I’m interested to see if it’s worth the price.

To get real-world practice and supplement the textbook version, I created an account on InterPals, for a French pen pal. It has all the risks one might expect with an online chat service, but it’s pretty easy to weed out the crazies. I found some good connections, and have only been offered three marriage proposals 🙂 The Egyptian who quoted Phil Collins for me was super hard to resist… right!!!

In other news, classes on the base gym are just $3. I signed up for Butt & Guts, which was cancelled, so I took spinning instead. I HATE spinning. It was a good cardio/leg workout, but talk about boring. Let’s just say I won’t do that one again… but I WILL go back!! Just for something else.

Otherwise, September wedding planning/logistics is just about finished, so I’m ready to tackle the October weddings. I applied for two jobs, just for kicks and to see what happens (probably nothing). Chuck and I recruited another couple from his class for some whitewater rafting this weekend (yay!), and I leave for lovely Breckenridge, CO next Thursday for my sister’s nuptials.

Moving right along over here…!

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On a Roll Today…

Now that the move is over, and I’ve recovered from my trip to Mexico, I’m ready to get all sorts of productive with my time here. Or at least, come up with some sort of plan. I’m not going to push myself to find a job (though that would be nice if I could), so I’m trying to think of ways to stay entertained while I’m here.

It must be said that my biggest surprise in moving on base is how quiet it is. I figured most people would have kids (I’m the only childless spouse I’ve seen thus far), but I did not figure people would keep to themselves so much. There is a USMC wives’ event on the evening of the 19th, but I will be on a flight to CO at that point, so I’m gonna have to miss that… better luck next time.

Also, most of the guys Chuck is meeting at school actually chose to live in random places off base, which completely surprises me. I’d love to know the reasoning of dealing with a lease in an unknown area for 7 months, but I haven’t met any yet to ask.  But, the fact that everyone is pretty scattered probably means a less socially cohesive experience here than we had in NC…

So, things are looking a bit bleak in the friends department, but I am excited to meet up with a girl I knew very briefly in college, before she transferred out. She messaged me out of the blue to say she is temporarily living in Columbus and would love to meet up next weekend. Apparently her family lives here and is active in the community, so maybe she can hook me up with some volunteer work, at least!

In the meantime, I’ve been looking at base activities, even if they are mostly family-focused (i.e, for couples with kids.) I would look into retail work, but there are too many weekends I’m going to have to ask off, due to all the weddings this fall. No one will hire me if I ask for weekends off 🙂

Once I get the checkbook balanced and figure out where we stand, I am going to take the plunge and get Rosetta Stone. That will be something fun and educational to do on quiet days. After struggling with my crappy Spanish in Mexico, I’m more motivated than ever to get my French down before spring! It would have added a lot of value if I could have communicated better in Mexico, and most of them knew broken English!

I think I’ll also get a yoga mat, so I can do some exercise at home. I’m used to carpeting – definitely can’t do crunches on this cold, hard, nasty floor! 🙂

Overall, I’m trying not to get overly antsy, enjoy the lax schedule together with Chuck, and hang out with Miss Bean while making cupcakes again. Even if it gets super boring – it’s just 7 months… and 7 months WITH Chuck, rather than all by myself. Win!